Daniel Thwaites | Weh Macaroni a guh?

If we put all the pyrotechnics involved in the Budget Debate to one side, there's a very positive development to be discerned for the country in all the presentations so far. Who knew we would live to see the day where both political parties are jousting for the title of originator and owner of fiscal sanity? It is without question a healthy, and hopefully irreversible, development.

I say we celebrate it as a national achievement, and allow both parties, to take some share of the credit. How much you assign to each will be according to your own particular taste and memory? What's for certain is that there is enough credit, and blame, to share around.

The important thing is to remember that it hasn't always been so, and oh, boy, have we ever paid the price for it. I wish there was some very forceful way to express happy surprise in the way that 'macaroni' has come to stand for the expression of dismay and consternation.

Speaking of 'Macaroni', Opposition Leader Phillips pulled on this viral metaphor while contrasting the give-up of $4 billion in revenue to bauxite companies as compared to the tightness when dealing with the teachers and other public servants.

"What kind of madness is that? Tax the poor; refuse to pay the teachers struggling; and give up $4 billion to the bauxite multinationals. What kind of Government is that? Y'know, sometimes, Mr Speaker, it look like Macaroni running the Government!"

Nutten like likkle joke, eh? The Parliament erupted in laughter, and social media responded.

All of which raises the question: Should Dr Phillips be censured for unparliamentary language? Because as I will presently explain, Macaroni has become the catchphrase for shocked incredulity that is ordinarily expressed in Jamaican with other very forceful words.

I'm kidding, of course, about the unparliamentary language. How could 'macaroni' cause censure in a Parliament where referring to a member as a 'fish' wasn't officially condemned? I mean, as far as foods go, it's more benign to call a man pasta than to call him seafood.

Now, I know my core readership is a demographic of solid churchgoing citizens, and they don't have time to be absorbing social-media cultural detritus. That's why I take the time to describe these things.

INFAMOUS VIDEO

In the infamous 'Macaroni' video, what looks like a Coaster bus can be seen inching its way along a road so flooded that the surface is invisible, and unfortunately, the driver miscalculates and ends up perched over what must be a precipice. All that action turns out to be mere backdrop to the true drama and entertainment, which is the commentary accompanying the video.

This is par for the course in Jamaica. The misery we might witness is one thing and heart-stopping all on its own. However, it is the commentary of the people that not only keeps you entertained, but actually imposes itself on the drama and makes the whole thing survivable and even enjoyable.

This is why these viral videos tend to emerge during or after disasters. In fact, you might naÔvely conclude that it's the rains and flooding that bring out our best, considering Cliftwang, Rosie, and now Macaroni. But that's only because you've forgotten "We are deadin" after Tivoli, and "Lasco" after the state of emergency in Montego Bay. Sadly, it turns out that commentary on disaster is our strong point, and where we become most hilarious.

So, back to the video. While the bus is inching off the road, a voice delivers the now-iconic expression of surprise, shock, outrage, disbelief, and incredulity.

"Weh Macaroni agoh? WEH Macaroni agoh?

Weh de B**BOC***T wrong wid Maraconi?

Macaroni a MAD man, enuh!

Caaan't Macaroni ... . Anuh Macaroni a duh dat!

Missa B, ah nuh Macaroni?!"

The whole poetic explosion turns on the central axis of "Weh de B**BOC***T wrong wid Macaroni?", which has become the interrogatory at the heart of every allusion and reference to Macaroni. And thus the humble pasta has acquired metaphorical force. So now you can go ahead and translate Dr Phillips' question.

Anyway, after this rhetorical tour de force by the masculine trumpet, as if in a highly stylised classical performance, the female chorus emerges out of the background, shrilly wailing a retort:

"Anuh Macaroni! Anuh Macaroni!

Anuh Macaroni a drive it!

A one ol' man a drive it ... . F***in' eediat! ...

All him fi drown ... . F***in' eediat ... . All him fi wash weh!"

Let me take a little detour. In researching this Macaroni phenomenon, I saw THE STAR's interview of the man himself. In it, Patrick 'Macaroni' Harris explains that he is having some troubles with his new celebrity status, because he's basically unable to go anywhere without somebody 'louding him up' with the question: "Weh Macaroni a goh?" You can imagine how that could get quite annoying after a while.

Anyhow, Macaroni does make some good points in the interview:

"When a man a star and star movie, a man gain from him starness. Soh dis nuh mek mi feel like nuh star, yuh undahstan. Whenever time mi start gain, dem time deh mi a star ... ."

THE REAL MEASURE

of'STARNESS'

Apart from gifting me a new word - 'starness' - I like the grounded realisation that all the hype isn't worth that much unless it translates into gain. It's a great reality check.

All the same, I feel like Macaroni has missed the most important point. He's not gaining because he's not essential to the whole Macaroni issue. Macaroni isn't the one who delivered the sterling commentary, which, after all, is the gold.

Notice that it's the commentary that has been lifted and applied to every imaginable mishap. The star of the incident is the Jamaicanism in the observations. The bus is incidental. Not to mention that it isn't Macaroni even driving the bus: "A one ol' man!" Really, THE STAR should have interviewed the street poet and poetess.

Macaroni is more of an archetype. The actual Macaroni is somewhat beside the point. There are, in the relevant sense, Macaronis in every family, village, town, and dozens in Parliament. In fact, there may be a little Macaroni in each and every one of us.

Anyhow, I wish to return to the point about the basic fiscal sanity that has, miraculously, settled upon the land. There's no question in my mind that Dr Phillips, during his tenure as finance minister, is responsible for much of it, and, equally, that Mr Holness deserves acknowledgement for continuing that path.

If we keep the Macaroni behaviour in check, we might actually start to see some 'gain' from our starness.

- Daniel Thwaites is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.