Michael Abrahams | Explaining the silence of rape victims

Every now and then, a celebrity is accused of sexual assault or rape, and in addition to the primary accuser, others will come forward and speak of similar assaults by the perpetrator years ago that were not reported. Then comes a common question, “Why didn’t they report it at the time?” Such a query is not unreasonable. Why would someone not report such a horrible crime to authorities and seek justice swiftly?

The fact is that most victims of sexual assault and rape never report the crimes. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), two-thirds of rape and sexual assault cases in the United States of America are not reported to law enforcement, and among female student victims, the ratio increases to four out of five. Not only that, many do not speak about it even to their closest friends and family members, sometimes for decades. But why?

Fear of retaliation, guilt, regret, humiliation, and fear of being disbelieved or even blamed are some of the many reasons why victims do not come forward about sexual assault.

The possibility of retaliation is a major deterrent for many. Some are threatened with physical violence, harm to family members or even death. In situations where the victim is an employee or subordinate of the perpetrator, reporting the crime may place their job, and hence their livelihood, in jeopardy. In some environments, even if someone chooses to leave the job after making a report, the perpetrator may spread malicious lies about the injured party to others in the relevant industry, soiling their reputation, and making future employment difficult.

Some victims feel guilty about the assaults and blame themselves, even when they did nothing to facilitate them. It does sound strange, but when someone has low self-esteem and poor self-worth, it is understandable how thus can occur. In many cases, the attacker is someone known to the victim, and may even be someone who the victim liked and respected until the moment of the assault.

This can leave victims terribly conflicted, and some, knowing that a rape charge could have a deleterious effect on the perpetrator’s life, may choose not to press charges. In some cases, the perpetrator is a family member, and some victims are afraid of bringing up something that would disrupt their family. So, they suffer in silence.

Another major barrier is the humiliation that rape victims experience. The act itself is dehumanizing and traumatic. But going forward with reporting it can be an extremely harrowing experience. Reporting means describing the assault in graphic detail to the police, then to the medical personnel who perform physical examinations and document and collect evidence, which may include taking photographs of genitalia.

If the case goes to court, the assault has to be described to the relevant lawyers, and in court, again to a judge and jurors, with other persons, including the accused, in attendance. In addition, the defence will try to dig up all they can about the complainant’s sexual history, and presenting it in such a forum can be very embarrassing. This can be a daunting task for someone still struggling to maintain their sanity in the aftermath of sexual assault, which may include trying to cope with depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder or suicidal thoughts.

One of the biggest deterrents is that many of the assaulted fear that they will not be believed, which, in some cases, can lead to punishment. I know several women who were abused by partners of their mothers and were beaten or sent out of the home when they dared report the abuse. Sometimes the backlash may come from the community. When a pastor was caught engaging in sexual activity with a minor in a rural community a few years ago, the family of the child was harassed by people living around them, who blamed them for ruining the man’s life, even though they did not report it, and they were forced to leave the community.

The problem of not being believed is magnified when the perpetrator is a public figure, especially a popular one. For example, even though scores of women have come forward and accused actor Bill Cosby of varying levels of sexual assault, there are still people who insist that he is innocent, rubbishing the claims of his accusers.

It is important to understand why, regarding sexual assault and rape, the victims who do not speak out belong to a silent majority. When such cases come to the fore in the media, and alleged victims speak of assaults in the distant past, they are often callously dismissed. The dismissal is not only painful for the persons who come forward, but for the survivors of sexual assault who hear our utterances. And there are many of them.

So, while you may be at work rubbishing the claim of a woman who claimed that a famous man raped her, the woman, or man, in the cubicle next to you may have suffered a similar assault, and may have been dismissed, and your words may be like daggers plunged into their heart.

People do make false accusations about rape, so we ought not to be quick to judge the accused. However, most claims are genuine, and we must also refrain from judging the accusers. Try to understand that rape victims often find themselves in a Catch-22 situation. If they report the crime, they risk being slut-shamed and victim-blamed, and if they delay reporting it they are castigated for waiting too long or are disbelieved.

The next time you hear someone open up about a sexual assault that took place years ago and was not reported, please try to empathise, not criticise.

- Michael Abrahams is a gynaecologist and obstetrician, comedian and poet. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and michabe_1999@hotmail.com, or tweet @mikeyabrahams