Michael Abrahams | A rape victim’s journey

I met Angela* about three years ago at a gathering at the house of a mutual friend. As Jamaicans would say, ‘Mi spirit did tek her.’ I absolutely loved her energy. She is intelligent, articulate and has a great sense of humour. She told me that she was an attorney, and I jokingly replied that I would not hold it against her.

We have kept in touch since, and our relationship is one I value immensely. On her last birthday, I called to let her know I remembered the day, and to wish her all the best. But she sounded subdued, not like her usually chirpy self. I figured that she was probably busy at her demanding job.

I will never forget the phone call. It was a Wednesday evening a few weeks later. I had finished work for the day and was in the parking lot of a plaza in Liguanea, about to visit the pharmacy. It was Angela. She told me that she needed to see me urgently.

I told her that I had already left the office, but from her tone, I could tell that something was wrong. She lives in a rural parish and I did not want her to travel home in that state, so I told her to meet me at my practice.

The woman I saw in my office was not the same person I met three years ago. She was a wreck. She reported that she was raped shortly before her birthday and was now pregnant as a result. She knew that the rape had caused it because she had been celibate for more than a year. My friend was absolutely devastated.

I will share her story, as I believe that it will help others to understand what a victim of rape goes through, dispel some myths and misconceptions, and hopefully generate empathy.

RAPE VICTIMS DON’T ALWAYS SCREAM

There is a belief that if a woman does not scream or resist, it is not rape. During the investigation of claims of attempted rape levelled at United States Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, Bible verses that suggest that if a woman does not scream, she consents (Deuteronomy 22:23-24), have been quoted by evangelicals in defence of Kavanaugh. Last year in Turin, northern Italy, a man was acquitted of raping a woman on a hospital bed because, according to the judge, there was “no crying, no screaming”.

But when my friend was raped, she did not scream. The assailant was known to her. They had been platonic friends for about three years. There was a gathering at his house, which she attended. While the other guests were outside, she was inside the building with him, when he suddenly grabbed her, pushed her down, slid down her panty and thrust his erect penis inside her.

He is much bigger than she is, and although she resisted, he was able to overpower her. She told me that she remained silent, and that prior to the experience, no one could have convinced her that she would have reacted like that to such an assault.

She is no shrinking violet, and thought she would have screamed, shouted and fought like hell if attacked in such a manner. But instead, she froze. The man’s behaviour caught her totally off guard, and she went blank. Numb. She mentally disassociated.

WHY VICTIMS OFTEN DON’T MAKE REPORTS

I asked Angela if she had reported the incident, and she said she had not. I asked why, and she told me that the thought of going into a police station and telling someone what happened was very intimidating to her.

Also, if there was an arrest and it went to trial, she would have to stand in a courtroom, surrounded by people she sometimes works with, and rehash sordid details of the encounter. She knows that her sex life would be scrutinised and dissected, and attempts made to discredit her.

Being in the legal system, she has seen alleged rape victims being ridiculed and insulted on the witness stand and was not prepared to go through that. The incident alone was more trauma than she could bear.

WHAT OF THE PREGNANCY?

When I saw Angela, she had just missed her period, and had performed a pregnancy test, which was positive. Being that early, the pregnancy did not show up on ultrasound examination. She told me that there was absolutely no way she could carry the pregnancy. She was emotionally a mess, did not want to have any children, and the thought of carrying a child for someone who violated and traumatised her was just too much endure.

I told her that when she returned to the country, she should repeat the ultrasound a week later, to at least confirm that the pregnancy was in her uterus. She did, and reported that she had her pregnancy terminated at a very early stage.

RAPE SURVIVORS GET TRIGGERED … A LOT

The news reports involving Bill Cosby’s sentencing and the investigations of accusations against Brett Kavanaugh have dominated traditional and social media. When topics such as these are in the public space, rape survivors get triggered, especially when people defend the accused and dismiss the accusers.

Triggering takes these people back to their horrific ordeals and reopens wounds, creating much pain and misery. I called Angela at the end of the week to check up on her, and sure enough, it was a rough time for her. She had been triggered repeatedly and was not in a good place.

Hopefully, Angela’s journey will help others who have been fortunate to have never been sexually assaulted to understand what it is like, and to not judge or make assumptions regarding what one would do if placed in such a position. The truth is, you will not know until it happens to you.

*Name changed to protect anonymity.

- Michael Abrahams is a gynaecologist and obstetrician, comedian and poet. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and michabe_1999@hotmail.com, or tweet @mikeyabrahams.