Gordon Robinson | That Woman’s Day!

Today is The Old Ball and Chain’s 39th birthday.

Again!

On the twoth of March, she celebrated her 37th wedding anniversary (today is the 40th anniversary of unofficial marriage), proving that even if I plead “not guilty” to robbing the cradle, mine was definitely the hand that rocked it (hehehe)!

So, I declare today THAT woman’s day at Casa Tout.

Old BC has never been academic. She attended Wolmer’s High School for Girls School, where she learned some academics, but mainly old-fashioned family values from teachers like Georgia Pinnock (Spanish) and Peggy ‘Bellum’ Richardson (English), but especially from legendary headmistress Audrey Pinto.

Afterwards, she learned real life skills at Alpha Commercial and Alliance Française de la Jamaïque that qualified her to work at International Bauxite Association (IBA) as a bilingual (English and wifespeak) secretary, earning significantly more (in US$, tax-free) than her young, underpaid husband-to-be. She worked long hours, so one night at 2 a.m., I was in IBA’s car park waiting on her (she says I was checking up on her) when a co-worker called to tell her “your father is waiting for you”. Well, that’s her story and she’s sticking to it. I felt like a pirate with a parrot on his shoulder.

Aaaaaarrrrrrggghhh!

Eventually, she married a red, ugly, old fart and began working diligently to ensure his removal from the romance market. Her Finnish mother had ensured her master’s degree in baking so, soon, weekend by weekend, icebox cake after icebox cake, she transformed the 145lb weakling she married into a FAT, red, ugly, old fart.

You see, she’d never be a suitable ­candidate for a hi-falutin master’s degree, but is a genius at what the world now calls ‘critical thinking’. She calls it ‘common sense’. Whenever we have a, er, um, ‘disagreement’, I don’t need many fingers to count the seconds to: “Don’t try to lawyer me. I’ve common sense. You don’t.”

I, I’m so in love with you.

Whatever you want to do

is all right with me.

’Cause you make me feel so brand new

and I want to spend my life with you.

After her second son (The Ampersand) was born, she used her critical-thinking skills to make the most important ­decision of her life (next to her choice of husband, naturally). Despite being on a career ­trajectory that could’ve continued at many prestigious international agencies, she decided “No más”. She refused to be a part-time mother. She chose family over career.

It was hard for her at first, but she soon realised she didn’t need a career to be in control of her family, and thereby make unparalleled contributions to Jamaica by raising three magnificent sons, who’ve all made their names in different professional disciplines. In achieving her fullest potential as nation-builder, she also ensured her husband far exceeded his limited potential.

Let me say that since, baby, since we’ve been together,

loving you forever

is what I need.

Let me, be the one you come running to.

I’ll never be untrue

Like the Reverend Al Green would, I’m using her example to teach my fellow Jamaican men the undeniable truth that they should always respect strong, indefatigable, indispensable Jamaican women’s efforts. Ever since a loathsome reptile convinced Eve that fruit was essential to a healthy diet, leading her to use her wiles to direct Adam’s consumption, women learned not to be tricked by men but that men need guidance and protection.

So, big up every woman who has taken a conscious decision to put family before career. Big-up those who selected career. A special big up to those juggling both. You’re all magnificent!

To Old BC: Thanks for the memories; the boys; and my career. For Jamaica’s sake, I hope you venture no further than Mrs Robinson.

Oh, and Happy Birthday!

Oh baby,

let’s, let’s stay together;

lovin’ you whether, whether

times are good or bad, happy or sad!

Peace and Love!

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.