Ronald Thwaites | A transactional society?

Last week on The Gleaner’s front page, a doctor of sexology (sic), commenting on the rash of spousal violence, regaled us with an analogy ascribed to Bounty Killer in his (not hers) less considered philosophising, that in their relationships with women, “men only rent some time and space. When the time is up, it’up”. Or, no doubt, when the rent isn’t enough or there is a tenant willing to pay more. In sum, the most intimate, meaningful and sacred of human connections is, for them at least, essentially transactional.

More than just getting what you pay for, the sexologist goes on to confirm that you are entitled to switch brands anytime. Whenever you itch, just scratch; just like the soldier’s wife and her policeman lover did. No big t’ing, soldier husband. After all, why did the poor cop have to run clutching his naked organ but leaving his gun behind? Why you tek di t’ing so serious, man?

Feelings, promises, responsibilities need not count. “Your actions don’t have to ALWAYS (my emphasis) be murder. A whole heap more woman deh a road who would like to spend time with you”, the said doctor prescribes.

Come to think of it, that thought pattern is pretty common in the land. Our history proves it. And it is a major factor in the ‘pop’ down family culture, which is making it impossible to sustain any real development in Jamaica.

Worse, opportunistic and transactional sexual relationships can’t make people happy. Ask any whore or gigolo. Even if the orgasms are great or the bupps’ money satisfies the lust for fashion and fame, those things don’t compare with the contentment, joy, struggle – and yes, thrill – that comes from long and lasting love: The kind built on self-respect, commitment, trust and generosity of spirit.

And most of all, even if you are prepared to “tek yuh bun and gwaan” rather than resorting to proprietary and patriarchal violence, as the usually admirably level-headed Dr Alfred Dawes recommends, please let us resolve never to endorse transactional and casual sex if there is even the slightest possibility of a child being conceived.

Because it is one thing to choose an unstable way of life for yourself, it is unforgivably cruel to screw up (pun intended) the life of an innocent product of your looseness or ‘bunning’.

I maintain that the worst tragedy of the slave trade was the systematic destruction of African family patterns so as to satisfy plantation needs. For that alone massive reparations are deserved.

Sadly, save for the partial respite of the extended family structure of post-emancipation peasant culture, we have constructed an economy based on ingrained and increasing inequality, infected now with the worse-than-Corona viruses of hedonism and crass consumerism, which militate against faithfulness and stability in sexual matters.

All the evidence there is points to the benefits for a child’s future is to be brought up by a mother and father, preferably living together and/or at least sufficiently interacting to share the awesome responsibility of raising a good youth. These institutions can be toxic, too, but if responsibly and prayerfully entered into, they have the best likelihood of producing good outcomes.

Betty Ann Blaine, Dr Coombs and others of their ilk are not religious fanatics. Their advocacy of marriage and long-term faithful parenting are as important as Nigel Clarke’s promotion of macroeconomic prudence. To talk the truth, his success is premised on their principles prevailing.

FAMILY TIES

Outside of slavery or a very pervasive religious ethic, the order and discipline required for sustained social order and productivity won’t happen without the foundation of strong families. ‘Bun’ destroys the mesh of trust, which laces a family together, so the nation state cannot afford to treat it lightly. It is amusing to hear dog-hearted men or promiscuous woman ‘bun fyah’ for homosexual behaviour while, by their conduct, family and society are being worse undermined.

Governments are deadly afraid of being prescriptive about family mores. Popular culture usually promotes permissiveness and brittle relationships as being the epitome of freedom and liberality. So we take the most sublime aspect of our humanity, free will, and make it an enemy of personal well-being and national wholeness.

Both of our national political leaders have admirably strong family lives. They are leading by example. The rest of us should promote that example and follow it ourselves. What an antidote to violent advantage-taking and transactionalism that would be! Then Jamaica will grow spiritually and economically, too.

Ronald Thwaites is member of parliament for Kingston Central. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.