Daniel Thwaites | Launch failure for JPP

I don’t really have all that much of a problem with the prime minister breaking the clearly stated promise of a fixed election date … except for that we have been thereby robbed of a full and enjoyable campaign.

Well, some nuance ought to be added about the enjoyability so far. Due to COVID-19, this is an especially musical electoral cycle, and so far the music has been excellent. But otherwise we have been choking on platitudes and unexciting half-promises.

Anyhow, now the election has been called so soon after the Jamaica Progressive Party (JPP) unveiled itself and unfurled its majestic manifesto. Why, Lord Holness, why? Instead of having a few months to question the clergymen closely, it all now feels rushed and hurried. And now they’re out.

Still, with all the limitations and, frankly, the predictability (I expect the polls to tighten significantly) of the upcoming campaign, it had been greatly relieved by the JPP’s manifesto.

Which other party promises to pay off the national debt within the first few months? Abolish NHT loans? Cancel student loans? None! It’s as if the other parties aren’t really trying hard enough in the promising department.

UNFULFILLED PROMISES

Audley Shaw has had some renowned promises in his time, none of which have come to pass. Last election he committed to staggering increases in the minimum wage. And even further back, the great Edith Allwood-Anderson had to provide tape recorded evidence of his promises to nurses when, having seized the mantle of power, he tried to backtrack.

But even Audley in all his glory was never arrayed as one of these! The JPP promises to jack-up the minimum wage to heights undreamed of by Audley, and pay doctors and nurses equivalent to what they would earn overseas.

They promised one million free homes for the poor, and another one million for returning residents and young married couples. They promised 40 new schools, although the commitment seems to have been made without reference to the education ministry’s determination of need. Meanwhile, 60 new hospitals – call it one for every constituency – would be constructed.

They would nationalise the cement factory, the bauxite coffee and sugar industries, the air and sea ports, and all toll roads. Finally!

As if that weren’t enough, planned to bring back Air Jamaica. Who doesn’t want back Air J? And yet this is where I started to have doubts about whether this Boeing 737 would actually take off.

WAR AGAINST SIN

This Government was boasting when it acquired a few drones! The JPP promised 100 attack helicopters; 150 fighter jets; air missile defence systems; 50 battleships; 10 submarines. Clearly, the upcoming war against sin and evil is going to involve some heavy artillery.

Speaking of which, they planned to abolish strip clubs and casinos and use the death penalty with great liberality. It would be death for corruption, for gang membership, and for human or drug trafficking.

I can’t see why, at least for electoral purposes, the lead pastor for the JPP didn’t just drop the ‘Gilbert’ and allow us to enjoy the similarity with Alexander Bedward. He says he plans to stick around and fight the good fight, so maybe he can be guided for future branding.

There are certainly some parallels. If some accounts are to be believed, Alexander Bedward, after years of dutifully healing the sick by dipping them in the Hope River and attracting a massive following, was supposed to have promised to ascend into heaven.

According to the Jamaicans.com:

“In one dramatic incident, he convinced his followers that they could fly back to Africa if they climbed into a breadfruit tree in August Town. The people wanted him to demonstrate this first, however, and as he attempted to do so, he fell and broke his legs and went to the hospital instead.”

We are now told, and till this morning I believed, that the flying part was a slur against him by the wicked government that wanted to bring him down. On that telling, the website quoted above is incorrect, and Bedward was being more metaphorical in his plans to fly.

And maybe that’s how we should understand the plans put out by the JPP after its Bedwardian failure to launch.

Daniel Thwaites is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.