Gordon Robinson | Be careful what you wish for

I just can’t shake off a joke told by English comedian Max ‘I wanna tell you a story’ Bygraves.

Max died over ten years ago, but the story still stands up (no pun intended). It’s about a couple who, like Dusty Springfield, were wishing and hoping.

As Max told it:

“There’s this fella, you see, who comes home from work midday and his wife, who is very flat-chested, has suddenly developed this beautiful bosom. He looked at her and said, ‘What happened to you?’

She replied: ‘You are not going to believe this, but some gypsies knocked at the door this morning; they sold me a mirror. The head gypsy looked at me and said, ‘The first time you look into that mirror, any wish you wish will be granted.’ I didn’t believe them. They went their way and I said to myself, I have nothing to lose, so I said, ‘Mirror, mirror on the door, make my bust a forty-four.’ She said, ‘Look, isn’t it wonderful?’ He said, ‘yeah.’

She said, ‘anyway, I’m going downtown to get a bra. Can you make your own lunch?’ He said, ‘sure’, and away she goes.

He stands there looking at this mirror. Finally he says, ‘Mirror mirror on the door, make my ding-a-ling touch the floor. And his bloody legs fell off!”

The reason that old joke kept rambling around in my mind was the resurrection of the George Wright saga when two female JLP MPs walked across the aisle and sat next to Georgie Porgie (who I’m sure you remember kissed the girls and made them cry) as he made his contribution to the State of the Constituency Debate.

Well, alright; for those of you born yesterday:

“Georgie Porgie pudding and pie

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play,

Georgie Porgie ran away.”

This olde English nursery rhyme, like Max Bygraves, dates back to the 19th Century (well, alright, not quite the same; Max was born 1922). Legendary playwright George Bernard Shaw (Author of Pygmalion, which became My Fair Lady), who was born in 1856, often said he remembered it from his childhood. That’s George the Playwright, NOT George Wright!

CARICATURE

‘Georgie Porgie’ is widely believed to be a caricature of the first Duke of Buckingham, the courtier George Villiers (1592–1628), who had a romantic but volatile relationship with Anne of Austria (Queen of France and King Louis XIII’s wife). Georgie was also a friend and huge influencer of King James I. He helped to arrange the marriage between Charles I (King James’ son) and Princess Henrietta Maria. Eventually, his behaviour attracted Parliament’s disapproval. The King severed friendship and influential ties.

Where was I? Ah, yes, Jamaica’s Georgie Porgie, whose alleged domestic volatility caused him to lose all influence with Government and Party. He became a Parliamentary Pariah until recent reconciliatory signs, culminating with the bold march ‘across the floor’ by two female JLP MPs, who might have jeopardised #MeToo Movement membership.

As usual, this resulted in intense media attention despite Jamaica’s crippling inflation; brutal, intolerable crime; garbage infestation causing disease; and governance dysfunction, resulting in endemic corruption. Instead of focusing on cleansing government of the root causes of this systemic rot (which would include recall elections for MPs) viewers/listeners were treated to JLP sycophants’ standard deflection tactic of reminding us there were other alleged domestic violence abusers in Parliament, and PNP die-hearts loving JLP’s embarrassment, while struggling to remember their earlier ‘strangers-not-welcome-on-Opposition-seats’ tirade.

It’s time to stop wishing for politician’s personal perversions to be exposed so we can salivate over the gory details. We should be careful what we wish for, because we know ‘the same knife stick sheep stick goat’. A world that delves into others’ personal instead of political issues will soon uncover yours. And mine. Personal issues are personal. Some require police attention. Police are currently overwhelmed with widespread brutality. Nobody has time to prepare cases against couples fighting in the street then making up.

In Parliament, the sole legitimate question after Georgie Porgie resigned from JLP was, where should he sit? In that matter, PNP again showed a simpering, weak-kneed approach; meekly surrendered to the Speaker’s unlawful (in my opinion) order; then tabled a nonsensical motion to have Georgie suspended from Parliament, instead of the more rational introduction of a recall election bill. This is no longer an issue upon which PNP has any intellectual or moral authority to pontificate.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.