Gordon Robinson | The essence of physics

Across the galaxies, in our favourite Fantasyland, Apocrypha, Oma D’unn was reunited with his old friend R.U. Shaw.

Regular readers remember Oma D’unn, a PhD in logic but, like a moon, bright only in the dark. His skill was to solve political problems by parable which he parlayed into a Consultancy Firm. It all began many moons ago when R.U. asked Oma to help him become a Cabinet Minister. R.U. Shaw got his name from the story of a man with the initials G.B.S. When asked “Are you Shaw?” the man replied “My dear old thing, I’m certain of nothing.”

Years later, R.U. Shaw, who became Finance Minister thanks to Oma’s advice, was now Transport Minister. Road fatalities increased every year in Apocrypha until they exceeded 500. This was a bridge too far for R.U so he came to Oma for advice.

Oma advised R.U. to buy a physics book. Shaw seemed puzzled so Oma told the story of the Physics Professor.

“A college Physics Professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. ‘Why do we have to learn this stuff?’ the frustrated student blurted out.

‘To save lives,’ the Professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. ‘So how does physics save lives?’ The Professor stared at the student without saying a word.

Finally, the Professor sighed and replied ‘Physics saves lives,’ he paused for dramatic effect ‘because it keeps idiots out of medical school.’

R.U. Shaw still didn’t get it so Oma explained the reason for too many road fatalities was lack of education and not dangerous driving which was a symptom rather than the disease. Not only were the uneducated able to buy drivers’ licences on the cheap without having to study the road code but nothing in the practical world forced them to learn to drive.

As the world became a prisoner to progress, slick, flat new highways replaced old-time winding, often mountainous roads needing skill and fortitude to navigate. Oma warned R.U. that, unless he insisted on proper driving education before licences were issued, fatalities would continue to rise no matter how many heartfelt appeals were made by mealy-mouthed do-gooders.

Oma told R.U. his advice was inspired by a lady named Winsome. Her last name? Why Losesome of course. According to Oma, if R.U. wanted to win some by reducing road deaths he must be prepared to lose some drivers at the point of issuing drivers licenses.

Oma’s advice got me to thinking of my teenage years before Jamaica’s road infrastructure became so modern, flashy and quick. My mother taught me to drive on her old stick-shift Morris Minor (nicknamed “the zero-point-nine” by a schoolmate who said it wasn’t good enough to be a complete car). I remember her lessons on the difference between driving in town and on country roads. We took a trip around the Island (overnighting in different Parishes). She allowed me to take the wheel in Portland where she emphasized closeness to the road’s left hand edge around windy, hilly terrain.

My mother was taught to drive through deep water by none other than Norman Manley. She taught me what he taught her. The techniques remain the same despite motor cars’ modernization.

Later on, frequent trips to Ocho Rios and MoBay via Mount Rosser were lessons by experience no North-South highway can teach. Landmarks like the Obeah Man’s house; uniquely deep corners; sight of the red mud lake; Faith’s Pen; Walkers Wood and others were more accurate measures of time and distance than any map or road sign. The alternate route through Guys Hill (usually caused by a broken down truck blocking narrow Mount Rosser) was slightly easier but longer and more scenic. The south coast journey to Negril was also essayed often stopping at places like Old Harbour beach and Blue Fields to buy seafood. Now all we have is cars driven by computer; cruise control; and flat, wide roads that offer instant cures for insomnia; encourage recklessness; and ruin small roadside businesses.

A generation will grow up not knowing how Faith’s Pen cooking; Porus citrus; or Melrose Hill roast yam looks or tastes. They’ll never understand the joys of stops on a journey to major towns to enjoy sights, fare or community.

And they won’t have a clue how to drive or savour the journey rather than be consumed by anxiety to arrive which usually ensures you don’t.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.