Gordon Robinson | Seek a connection of minds

Restrictive rules at domino tournaments that kill the game’s spirit are meant to reduce cheating.

Most no-talent players utilise a “code” whose sophistication is directly proportional to their egos. Basic codes involve words but finger, hand or foot movements can send silent signals.

But genuine, longterm partnerships have unspoken, unmoving “codes” based on connection of minds. When we “graduated” to bridge, Gene Autry and I spent hours per day on the phone honing our original bidding system (named “The Rasta Club”) that mesmerized local bridge. Our winning percentage was so high that senior players of limited imagination covertly accused us of being “wired” (a polite word for “sending signals”).

Truthfully, we were “wired” but not in the way complainants meant. Because we’d been friends since age 7, we lived inside each other’s mind. I can’t count the number of times I’ve sat as his partner while defending (knowing what he couldn’t know namely the only lead to beat the contract was, for example, spades) thinking “play spade; play spade” while he tried to think it through only to miraculously see him lay a spade on the table. The vice (vi-see) has often been very versa.

Principles are the same for partnerships in romance as mind sports. Yet any peek at today’s public mirror (a.k.a. social media) will show too many hetero (or bi) sexual women barking up the wrong tree looking for male partners.

There are three criteria without which, sorry, pal, you’ve no chance. In order to get beyond a derisive dismissal you must:

(1) Look good;

(2) Dress well;

(3) Have money

Don’t bother emailing to call me “red-eye”. Whilst I acknowledge I’m 0 for 3, I’ve no desire to pass those tests. Passing (1) and (2) is congenitally impossible while I deliberately discarded any aspiration to (3) on December 31, 1997 in favour of a family-oriented life. Since then even a cursory glance at my circumstances will prove money isn’t one of my scarce attractions.

But all are superficialities that encourage too many women’s belief in illusion before falling victim to the maxim “see me; come live with me; two different things.” So, without further ado, here are my three tests that women (and men) ought to apply in choosing romantic partners.

(1) Take time to KNOW each other;

(2) Actually SEE each other;

(3) LOVE what you see and know.

Without effort, you’ll develop a connection of mind, body and soul that makes it impossible to be without the other for long. NOW you have a partner not an accessory. Your number one concern will be the other’s well being. You’ll want to do everything together including becoming parents (by whatever means necessary) and raising your children to understand love.

Ain’t got no cash; ain’t got no style;

ain’t got no gal to make you smile.

But don’t worry, be happy.

I’ve lived Bobby McFerrin’s philosophy so was fortunate to find this spiritual connection of auras 40+ years ago when I cut The Old Ball and Chain’s maternal umbilical cord and we became a union based on seeing, knowing and loving each other. She became my life’s purpose and I hers.

As the three boys arrived they became our joint purpose.

So, my message to the teeming thousands of young Jamaicans in danger of being brainwashed by social media into relying on makeup; fashion; and fortune to make romantic choices is:

Don’t.

Illusion dissipates in the light of day revealing your choice as a different person than appearances deceived - one who turns around and bites you in the heart. Too late you recognize the real person to whose ramshackle life you’ve hitched your hopes and dreams.

So, don’t use online interaction or public persona as candidate verification for romance. Get to know others the old fashioned way. Put down the phone. It lies when asserting that it’s smarter than you. Have conversations. Listen to and learn about each other. Spend time alone together. Eat together. Pray together if that’s your thing. Sleep together if the spirit moves you. Lean into each other’s aura.

In every life we have some trouble

But when you worry, you make it double

Don’t worry, be happy

Do not buy a puss (or dawg) in a bag. Try to avoid surprises. Don’t believe hype. Follow your heart. Listen to your soul. When you sense they jointly inhabit both bodies, don’t be detained by image or ostentation. Embrace your purpose. Don’t worry. Be happy!

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com