Gordon Robinson | Job description or Tinder profile?

It was 1976 so the Kooky Khast of domino players were discussing Michael Manley’s political promise “We are not for sale!”

Gene Autry, as always when politics was discussed, took a nap. Dessie wanted to know what was so bad about IMF guiding our economic decisions “Dem nah go stop us betting on English racing?” he queried. The Dunce essayed a confident opinion:

“If a macca mek it jook yu!”

Dr S. Blanc, self-styled Senior Lecturer in the faculty of Domino, was about to embark on a harangue insisting whatever Joshua said was gospel when Haemorrhoid decided to stop whining about the “piles and piles” of files on his desk and tell a story about student-teacher relations.

“A distraught mother was complaining to girlfriends about her difficulties with her teenage son.

Her girlfriends told her it was just a phase. ‘It’s much deeper than that’ she was close to tears. ‘He’s just like his father!’

‘How do you mean?’ they asked.

‘Well, you know his father is a politician? So my son was acting up in school yesterday. The teacher called on him and asked ‘Do you remember what you promised me?’ He said, ‘Yes. I promised I wouldn’t misbehave any more.’

Then the teacher asked ‘And do you remember what I promised you?’ My son responded ‘Yes, that if I misbehaved again I’d be sent to the Principal’s office. But, since I broke my promise, it’s ok if you do too’.”

After a fit of giggles passed, Haemorrhoid explained “Political promises go in one year and out the other!” Then he collapsed in gales of laughter.

Fast forward to 2016. Opposition Leader Andrew Holness promised that, within 100 days of becoming PM, job descriptions for MPs and Ministers would be provided.

None appeared in 2016; 2017; 2018; 2019; 2020 (during which JLP won another Election); 2021; or 2022. In 2023 MPs/Ministers granted themselves massive salary increases without a smidgeon of independent performance assessment vis a vis anything let alone non-existent job descriptions. PM responded to protests with a repeat of his 2016 promise.

So citizens awaited the announcement of an independent commission, (e.g. Public Services Commission) to be asked to develop details of MPs’ constitutional job to “make laws for the peace, order and good government of Jamaica.” I looked forward to rules explaining that laws made for good government inherently empower lawmakers to monitor their implementation by Government to ensure purpose is realized.

I was certain any independent commission “would have” dispelled the illusion created by decades of self-important, egotistical, overvalued exaggeration of function. That arrogant, hyperbolic self-praise turned every Jamaican MP into a Godfather expected to provide all individual needs and relegated local representatives (Councillors) to acting as lackeys. Its genesis is linked to the obsessive lust for the prize - becoming MP. That prize has nothing to do with the measly salary but, as contribution to the Party’s grasp on the government honey pot, is far more personally and politically valuable.

Clearly I forgot Haemorrhoid’s wise advice. Instead of an independent commission’s assessment, PM tabled a rambling, repetitive, politically rousing statement of MPs’ job descriptions. As the first time any employee has written his/her own job description, it simultaneously created Guinness Book of Records worthy history and mockery of Parliament.

This indigestible outrage included satirical gems requiring MPs to:

• “collectively” ensure cabinet, ministries and public bodies account to parliament;

What the blurdneet is meant by “collectively”? MPs, individually, are to represent constituents. ONLY. This is very adjacent to a thinly veiled attempt to institutionalise MPs habit of representing their Party and mindlessly toeing Party lines.

• Represent, advocate and be the voice of their constituencies in the Parliament.

ROFL! This directly contradicts the previous mandate to act “collectively”. So brainless banging of desks and insult throwing games shall continue to be the order of the day while this fuzzy paper tiger is ignored.

This document contains so many vague, high sounding generalities it reads more like a Tinder profile than serious employment terms. It couldn’t even enter the door of a corporate HR department. If it did, it would be locked in there forever out of utter embarrassment. The insipid section about “job purpose” immediately brought to mind a famous soliloquy from Macbeth:

“Life’s but a walking shadow; a poor player; that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com