Kristen Gyles | Giving ourselves grace for 2024

Recently, I sat through a mental health session in which another attendee lamented how far behind they were in achieving many of their life goals. They were eager to get tips from the instructor on how they could master self-control and improve their discipline, since, they surmised, they were progressing in life far too slowly. Clearly pressed down by the weight of demotivation, they went on to explain that they spent considerable time at home, especially before bedtime, thinking about how ‘little’ they have achieved.

After a bit of explaining, it became clear that the individual was doing pretty well financially but had very pressuring goals that were just not very realistic in this economy.

This is the time of the year when many of us are bombarded with these thoughts. In response, we get caught up with setting new year’s resolutions and making plans to better our lives over the new year. How do we convince our loved ones and friends that it is actually okay to forego the usual tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions? How do we first convince ourselves?

Goal setting is a necessary element of self-improvement but only makes sense when there is a need for change. Where there is no such need, digging to find a new year’s resolution just because it is fashionable to do so can become a self-loathing exercise. It can easily reinforce a mindset of restlessness and make us uncomfortable with our current situation, even when objectively, our situation is pretty good. Instead of nurturing the seeds we have already planted, we make ourselves disappointed with not being able to harvest other people’s flowers. How exhausting…

START AT ANY TIME

Further, the process of self-improvement can start at any time, so if this time of the year presents emotional or other mental pressures beyond the norm, there is no issue with opting out of the tradition altogether.

One of the reasons I’m forced to consider the impact that the tradition of setting new year’s resolutions is having on some people is the annual stream of “new year, new me” memes and social media posts. Every year at this time, we all discover, simultaneously, that the ‘old me’ was not so great and needed to make way for a newer and better ‘me’.

With all that said, sometimes there is a need for change. But change doesn’t need to be overwhelming or stressful. Often when we do set goals, they are extremely unrealistic and unachievable and we are altogether way too hard on ourselves. For example, many people set out a laundry list of material things they want to acquire, seemingly with little thought as to where the money will come from to purchase them.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. For some, buying a new car over the New Year might be achievable, but not if it has to be the newest and flashiest, and not while planning to go back to school in September and while planning an extended summer vacation trip. Sometimes what we need is not a longer list of resolutions, but a willingness to live happily within our means.

Resolutions also don’t need to centre around material things. Consider incorporating resolutions that promote healthier habits, such as eating less processed sugars, managing stress, and forming new friendships.

WEAR OURSELVES OUT

On another note, many of us wear ourselves out racing through this imaginary competition to achieve everything life has to offer in the shortest possible time span, putting ourselves under superhuman pressure. In such a situation, it’s not humanly possible to enjoy the journey to achieving any of our goals because the journey is much like crawling up Rome’s Holy Stairs on bare knees – painful and exhausting. If racing to accomplish a three-year task in one year will mean not getting to enjoy the process of achieving it, then maybe there’s a need to rethink racing through the journey.

Some years ago, I had a conversation with a relative who was trying to figure out what career path to take. After brainstorming several options that seemed to align with her interests, I suggested that she consider a career in medicine. The young bud then remarked that it would take her all of five years to complete the programme and that she’s not getting any younger.

Next year will make five years since we had this conversation. Somehow the time came and is now almost gone. Some journeys are long and arduous, but worth the wait. Foregoing them because they will “take too long” will yield absolutely nothing and trying to rush through them will only cause frustration. There is nothing wrong with taking slow, steady strides because time isn’t going anywhere.

Lastly, this long sermon becomes easier to put into practice when there is already an appreciation and gratitude for what we have already achieved. From time to time, it’s good to acknowledge and celebrate the milestones already accomplished. The positive reinforcement is motivation in itself. It’s been a long 2023 and for many of us, an eventful one. Let’s give ourselves the grace to simply live and enjoy life, going into 2024.

Kristen Gyles is a free-thinking public affairs opinionator. Send feedback to kristengyles@gmail.com