Michael Abrahams | Finding happiness

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines happiness as “a state of well-being and contentment.” We all experience positive and negative emotions, feelings, and moods. Happiness is not dependent on feeling only positive states of mind but rather on experiencing more positive than negative ones. It is also influenced by how satisfied we are with areas of our lives that are important to us, such as our health, relationships, work and achievements. Happiness is a state of feeling. It is subjective and is, therefore, difficult to define scientifically. In positive psychology, happiness is known as subjective well-being or SWB.

What makes us happy is highly variable and differs from person to person. For example, some people find happiness when they embrace a particular religion. They may feel they have a relationship with the creator and that this deity cares for them and protects them. On the other hand, some people find happiness when they deconstruct or leave certain religions they may have found to be rigid, restrictive and oppressive. Different things bring happiness to different people.

Many factors contribute to happiness, but there is one that is like a recurring decimal regarding what makes us happy: relationships. Research has found that people with happy lives find relationships to be a greater contributing factor to their happiness than money, success, achievements and material possessions. We tend to be happier when we are content in our most important relationships, such as with our spouse or significant other, our children, our parents, other close family members, and our closest friends. Relationships are essential, so we ought to nurture the ones we have that are important to us by engaging with respect, kindness, honesty and reciprocity.

GRATITUDE

Other things contribute to happiness, too, and one of the most powerful is gratitude: a strong feeling of appreciation for someone or something that has positively impacted your well-being. Research has found that more grateful people are happier and have more brain activity in the medial prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain associated with learning and decision-making. Gratitude reduces depression symptoms and increases optimism. By doing so, in addition to improving our mental health, gratitude improves our physical health as well, as depression is associated with an increased heart attack risk and optimism with a lowered risk. But that is not all; having an attitude of gratitude also boosts the immune system, which also helps make us healthier. We often have more things to be grateful for than we realize and it is in our best interest to focus on what we have instead of on what we do not.

Having realistic expectations also contributes to happiness. For example, some people proudly declare that they are perfectionists. But perfectionism is destructive. Nothing is perfect, and when you are a perfectionist, not only do you put pressure on yourself, but you put pressure on others too, and it can make you and those around you miserable. If you are a perfectionist, you need to relax. Sometimes there is beauty in imperfection.

A practical reality check is the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” You do not have to be a person of faith to appreciate the message being conveyed. It is simple but powerful. The wisdom to know the difference is empowering. Too often, we get worked up about things we cannot control. However, the ability to differentiate between the things we can change and those we cannot is priceless. If you have the power to change something that disturbs you, by all means, do your best to gather the strength to change it. If you cannot change it, altering your attitude or physically removing yourself from it, if possible, may make you happier.

MINDFULNESS

Mindfulness, meaning being in the present, is also helpful in achieving happiness. Much of our stress results from our minds wondering. Ruminating about the past or worrying or catastrophising about the future does not help us. A great way to experience mindfulness is to engage in mindfulness meditation. While doing this, you slowly breathe in and out, focus on your breathing, and stay focused on the present, the here and now. Not only does this give us inner peace and contribute to our happiness, but research has shown that it also changes the structure of our brains by reducing the size of the amygdala, the area concerned with processing emotions such as fear, anxiety and rage, and increasing the size of other areas involved with cognitive thinking.

There are many reasons to be happy. Happy people are more successful in multiple life domains, including marriage, friendship, income and work performance. They are also healthier, as they get sick less often and experience fewer symptoms when they do get sick. They tend to have more friends and better support systems. They are also more likely to have an easier time navigating through life, as they are usually optimistic, and optimism eases pain, sadness, and grief. And they are more creative and productive. Unsurprisingly, they are likely to live longer than people who are unhappy. Their happiness has a positive effect on others around them, too, as they donate more to charity, are more helpful and more likely to volunteer, positively influence others, and make workplaces less toxic.

Happiness affects not only the happy individuals but also the society. So, nurture your relationships, adopt an attitude of gratitude, have realistic expectations and be mindful and present. Always remember that you have the power within you to be happy.

Michael Abrahams is an obstetrician and gynaecologist, social commentator, and human-rights advocate. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and michabe_1999@hotmail.com, or follow him on X , formerly Twitter, @mikeyabrahams