Michael Abrahams | Abortion affects men too

Few issues are more contentious than abortion. There are many rational arguments for and against it, and these are expressed stridently by passionate advocates on either side of the divide, with views being influenced by socialisation, experience, personality and religious beliefs.

I have been an obstetrician and gynaecologist for 27 years. I am also a staunch human rights advocate, and my advocacy includes the rights of women. For much of history, women have had to contend with patriarchal systems where they found it necessary to fight for many rights, including the rights to vote, own property and get equal pay. I recall during my medical training, and even since specialising, seeing consent forms for tubal ligation (female sterilisation) where the husband’s signature was also required. On the other hand, I do not recall ever seeing where a wife or female partner’s signature was requested on a consent form for vasectomy (male sterilisation). I have also seen not only severe complications resulting from women carrying pregnancies to term, but I have also witnessed women dying in my presence before, during and after childbirth from haemorrhage, severe hypertension with seizures (eclampsia) and other causes. The definition of health includes physical, mental and social well-being, and carrying a pregnancy to term and delivering a child has the potential to negatively affect all three aspects of a woman’s health. I am also an empath, and I empathise deeply with women who find themselves in positions where they feel forced to make a decision regarding proceeding with or terminating a pregnancy. For these reasons, I am pro-choice. I believe a woman has a right to make an informed decision regarding what happens to her body. Some argue that a pregnancy is a life, but at the end of the day, it is the woman’s body and mind that will be affected. I do not possess a uterus, so I will never be in such a position. Therefore, I do not judge. Let God, if such an entity exists, be the final arbiter.

VIGOROUS DEBATES

Due to my stance, I have been involved in many vigorous debates on my Facebook page with anti-abortion advocates. A Christian man, one of my main nemeses, would repeatedly harshly challenge me, often with the proverbial fire and brimstone. His aggressive behaviour, replete with vitriolic diatribes, perplexed me; until that church meeting. A few years ago, I was invited to be part of a panel discussion at Webster Memorial Church on the issue of abortion. There were four panellists, two pro-choice and two anti-abortion. I had braced myself for a fiery confrontation but was pleasantly surprised. The conversation was civil, with persons on each side listening and responding respectfully to the arguments posited by those with opposing views. When the question-and-answer session began, a gentleman rose to his feet, identified himself, and began to share his experience. Immediately, I recognised his name: it was my Facebook anti-abortion nemesis. He shared his story with the gathering.

Many years prior to the meeting, a woman he was in a relationship with conceived for him. He welcomed the pregnancy, as he was yet to father a child. However, against his wishes, the woman decided to terminate the pregnancy. He was devastated. Then it got worse. He subsequently developed a medical complication and was informed that he would never be able to impregnate a woman and become a father. His devastation escalated exponentially.

Then, it all made sense to me. His revelation explained not only his stance on abortion but also the flood of negative emotions expressed by him when the topic was broached. After the session, I approached him, tearfully embraced him, and told him that I now understood. I declare myself an empath, but I would be a hypocrite to only empathise with women and be dismissive toward this man and his plight. I have children, but had I been in a position such as his, I know I would have been inconsolable. That encounter catalysed a change in my perspective toward men and their role in the abortion debate.

RECUSE THEMSELVES

Some women feel that men should recuse themselves from the debate and shut up and mind their own business. Indeed, patriarchy, misogyny and the desire to control women and their bodies are significant influences on men’s attitudes regarding women’s reproductive rights. However, that is not always the case. If we are to be honest, because half of the DNA in the embryo or foetus belongs to a man, it would not be unreasonable to argue that it is our business too.

The fact is that abortion does affect men. Much of the research on the psychological effects of abortion focuses on how the procedure affects women, but there is also research on men, and the studies show that many of us are not unscathed. Sure, in some instances, it is the man who insists that his partner has an abortion, and in many cases, the man may never know what had transpired. However, the findings of several studies have shown that when women undergo abortions and their partners are aware, especially if they do not approve, and even in some cases when they say they do, the men may experience guilt, shame, anger, repressed emotions and feelings of helplessness, and the process may trigger or worsen psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and cause even suicidal ideation. These effects on the psyche can also lead to substance abuse, sexual dysfunction, sleep disorders, relationship issues and long-term trauma.

Although the ultimate decision rests with the woman, men have the right to express their views respectfully. Many men feel marginalised regarding reproductive rights, acknowledging the fact that women often feel empowered to terminate pregnancies against their partner’s wishes, and also to keep pregnancies that their partners do not want and subsequently demand child support from them. Our voices should be heard too. Shutting us down will only fuel resentment.

Michael Abrahams is an obstetrician and gynaecologist, social commentator, and human-rights advocate. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and michabe_1999@hotmail.com, or follow him on X , formerly Twitter, @mikeyabrahams