Garth Rattray | A father by any other name is a father

Except for the names, the following story is true in every respect. It points to the need for a male influence in the lives of children. It shows that the male figure does not have to be a member of the household. It validates the positivity of the natural order of things needed for societies to thrive.

Joanna was a single woman who grew up in a matriarchal family. She had seen the problems that her close [female] friends endured because of failed relationships. Being a very strong-headed and independent woman, she decided early on in her life that she did not want any of it. But she always wanted a child of her own.

When the opportunity arose for her to adopt a child, she jumped at it. The adoption went through, and Joanna purred with pleasure as she embarked on the journey of her life as a mother. Obviously, the little girl was growing up in a single parent home.

Things went well between Joanna and her daughter, Erica, until she became a teenager. By this time, she was in high school and was exposed to the lure of wayward friends and the party life. Joanna and Erica began experiencing major confrontations as Erica rebelled against the authoritarian style of parenting to which she was subjected.

This came to a boiling point one evening. There was a shouting match between mother and daughter that could be heard for several hours in the neighbourhood. Frustrated and becoming angrier by the minute, Joanna had the good sense to telephone the only male friend that she ever had, and therefore the only male figure that Erica knew.

On arrival, Owen was witness to angry screams and Joanna telling Erica that she regretted adopting her and she was willing and ready to turn her over to the state. Owen intervened and proposed that Joanna allow him to be in total charge of all things disciplinary when it came to Erica. The day-to-day management of her home life would remain under Joanna’s jurisdiction.

TESTED RESOLVE

Erica tested Owen’s resolve and ability to carry out his mandate. He had elected to drive her home from school on assigned days because he wanted the chance to speak with her privately and to use the time to impart some of his experiences to her. Erica’s attempt at clandestine disobedience led Owen to confiscate her cellular phone and ‘ground’ her from leaving the home on several occasions.

The strong male influence in her life paid off. Erica reformed, excelled in high school, went on to achieve first class honours from the University of the West Indies, and a master’s degree from a UK-based University. She is an entrepreneur and owns and operates her own business.

Erica is cognisant of what would have happened in her life were it not for a positive male influence. Although Owen was never a part of the household, and although she only saw him occasionally, they became as close as biological father and daughter. They are both better people for the experience.

A positive male influence, whether from inside or outside a home, can provide support, and guidance. Many women are only interested in the financial support that a male partner can bring to the table. But sagacious females realise that there is much more to having a male participating in raising a child or children than just money. It provides a masculine beacon so that eventual suitors will not be able to impress young girls with their maleness or overpower them with their masculinity.

Father figures provide different perspectives to life’s situations and problem solving. Males can provide emotional support, security and stability to the family nucleus. Shared parenting brings physical and emotional balance to families. A peaceful, loving, respectful and supportive home provides the best environment for the wholesome development of children.

On the other hand, it is a recognised fact that the absence of a male influence may increase the likelihood of criminality in children. The risk of a child becoming involved in wayward behaviour and various crimes becomes evident in single-mother households. The physical and/or emotional absence of a father or father figure can increase the likelihood of adolescent crime by 16-38 per cent.

PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES

Aside from outright criminality, children from a fatherless household tend to have increased likelihood of psychological issues. It’s as if lacking the strong, anchoring and supportive male influence leaves them with a deficiency of all the tools necessary for a stable and balanced life.

I confess to procrastinating when it comes to carrying out a mini survey of the patients who see me. Anecdotally, the clear majority of them either never knew their father, knew him briefly, or perceive him in a very negative light. When I ask about their father, some deny any knowledge of him, his existence, or his whereabouts. Some sneer and proclaim, “Who? Him!?” thus demonstrating a disdain for the fellow.

This is sad on several fronts. Not only are the children being denied the best environment for their overall development, but they are also denied the vital knowledge of their genetic background. Many non-communicable diseases are genetically linked. When physicians know this, they can initiate early screening, especially for cancers, and either prevent or detect them quickly, thus giving the patient the best chance for survival.

Anybody can donate sperm, but only real men father their children. Our families, communities, and country will be better off for it.

Garth Rattray is a medical doctor with a family practice, and author of ‘The Long and Short of Thick and Thin’. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and garthrattray@gmail.com.