Gordon Robinson | Where are you, Santa Claus?

’Twas the day before Christmas, and all over Casa Tout, Grandson KnowAll was stirring while celebrating his third birthday throughout.

For months Grandma, a.k.a the Old Ball and Chain, had been preparing frantically for the state visit. This stopover is all important to her especially as her baby, SputNik, is away from home at Christmas (working in Lancashire) for the first time in his life. So renovations were done to Know-All’s room; special foods stocked; cakes baked; her famous mincemeat pies and chocolate fudge made. On Wednesday, when the flight from Canada landed, Skullhead III (a.k.a The Computer Whiz; a.k.a. SkullDougery) was present in “The Uber” to collect younger bro, the Ampersand, his Grenadian-Canadian wife Frittata; and grandson Know-All. As he delivered them to the front door, Old BC started sounding like Louis Armstrong:

Gifts I’m preparing

for some Christmas sharing

But I pause because,

hanging my stocking,

I can hear a knocking

Is that you, Santa Claus?

Elsewhere, similar feelings seemingly overtook professional Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) propagandists as news broke that Jolyan Silvera’s deceased wife, initially pronounced to have died peacefully in her sleep, was proven by post mortem examination to have been murdered. Instead of greeting this tragic announcement with sadness and awaiting a full police investigation, JLP trolls began celebratory speculation galore. It seemed that a former People’s National Party (PNP) MP’s wife’s murder was somehow capable of being converted into a gift from Santa of a JLP political victory. But then what else should we expect from a set of political sheep blinded by political sycophancy and a lack of refinement or discernment? How’d they ever be able to see or understand the difference between political issues and personal domestic tragedy?

Sure is dark out;

ain’t the slightest spark out

’pon my clackin’ jaw.

Who’s there? Who is it?

Stopping for a visit?

Is that you, Santa Claus?

Probably not….

PNP appear to have similar difficulty identifying Santa. In critiquing the usefulness of states of public emergency (SOEs) it seems incapable of sticking to first principles namely Constitutional Law. PNP almost sounds like it’s celebrating murders taking place despite Government’s declaration of rolling SOEs. According to Peter Bunting, using his best “gotcha” tone, these murders prove SOEs aren’t working.

On December 11, after 18 days of a St. James SOE, Bunting, sounding like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, smugly told Irie FM:

“….we increasingly see and the public is increasingly aware [the SOEs] are ineffective. With all those SOEs last week we had 38 murders….and this was just up to Saturday night. Six in St James alone!

Now when we add the three more murders in St James on Sunday you will see that the SOE is really having no impact there.”

No Peter. This argument is as politically facile as the JLP’s argument that SOEs “save lives”. It’s impossible to substantiate either claim. This zero-sum game using an abacus to test outcomes is contrary to logic or common sense. That one person is murdered during a SOE doesn’t mean that the SOE caused the murder or should have prevented it. It doesn’t mean the murder was preventable at all. If ten persons were murdered during a SOE as against 20 when there was none that doesn’t mean the SOE “saved” ten lives.

But Bunting couldn’t resist rubbing these murders as salt into what he perceived to be Government’s wounds so triumphantly pronounced:

“The general concern is that we stop pretending that these declarations of SOEs are anything but public relations ploys to make the citizens believe that something is being done.”

Lord, deliver us this Christmas from politically desperate sounding, baseless, unworthy allegations of callousness apparently invented to pursue perceived political profit.

It. Is. Just. Pitiful!

This Government’s use of SOEs as a crime fighting tool is either legal or illegal. If we think they are legal, we should direct our critique towards what else Government should be doing to reduce violent crime. If, like me, you are convinced they are illegal and unconstitutional (rolling SOEs even more so), then take the matter to court and, while awaiting the outcome, present your argument on the basis of unlawfulness instead of perceived ineffectiveness which you cannot support with facts. Surplus salivating when too many are murdered as if the murders are gifts from Santa is just not appropriate.

Are you bringing a present for me

something pleasantly pleasant for me?

Then it’s just what I’ve been waiting for.

Would you mind slipping it under the door?

Cold winds are howling (or could that be growling)?

My legs feel like straws.

My-my, oh me-my, kindly will you reply?

Is that you, Santie Claus?

Humanity received a welcome Christmas gift from the real Santa Claus, Jesus Christ, through one of his Apostles namely Pope Francis, the first Jesuit Pope; the first from the Americas; and the first born outside Europe for 13 centuries. On December 18, a day after his 87th birthday, in a seismic shift in the Roman Catholic Church’s approach to LGBTQIA+ people, Pope Francis formally permitted Roman Catholic priests to bless same-sex couples,

Yes, hanging the stocking,

I can hear a knocking

’Zat you, Santa Claus?

I say, who’s there, who is it?

Are you stopping for a visit?

’Zat you, Santa Claus?

Yes. It. Is!

In 2021 the Vatican said God “cannot bless sin” which, leaving alone, for now, the definition of “sin”, was a monumental hypocrisy in light of the “sinful” history of Priests, Cardinals and Popes over centuries. So, taken at its least diversion from previous religious bigotry, the Pope has finally acknowledged that “sinners” of all types can be blessed without discrimination by detail of their “sin”.

But this Pope, from the outset, has been struggling with his Church’s duplicity on humanitarian issues and has clearly been seeking a way to acknowledge that love is love regardless of shape, form or partner identity. So I prefer to give his new permit the most liberal interpretation and see it as a Christmas gift to all humanity. It’s going to be intriguing to see how Jamaican Roman Catholics, especially those in church hierarchy, swallow and digest this meal of crow they are being forced to eat. How do they turn around decades of cruel, callous condemnation of a large section of humanity based on blind Old Testament bigotry, while relying on Papal Dogma, now that Papal Dogma has made an important U-turn? I can’t wait….

Oh there, Santa, you gave me a scare.

Now stop teasing ’cause I know you’re there.

We don’t believe in no goblins today

but I can’t explain why I’m shaking that way.

Bet I can see ole Santa in the keyhole

I’ll get to the cause

One peek and I’ll try there,

oh oh, there’s an eye there!

’Zat you, Santa Claus?

Is that you, Santa Claus (or ’Zat you, Santa Claus) is a 1953 recording from Decca Records written by Jack Fox and recorded by the great Louis “Pops” Armstrong and his band the Commanders. “Pops” gives the full Satchelmouth treatment to an obscure Christmas song that deserves far more airplay than it gets instead of some of syrupy North American favourites.

This Christmas (no, this isn’t a sneaky Donny Hathaway reference) I’m asking Santa to bring Jamaica more political maturity; more understanding of the necessity for tolerance and even celebration of our differences; more gratitude for our blessings; more compassion for those not as fortunate in their circumstances as we; more reaching out to the lonely; and more family togetherness and happiness.

Oh and don’t forget the sorrel and Christmas pudding. Old BC’s special mincemeat pies for which, annually, certain people have travelled far and wide to sample, will be available at Casa Tout. She wants all her friends to visit; meet her grandson; and have a mincemeat pie.

Please, please, pity my knees

Say that’s you Santaaaay Claus?

That’s him all right!

Happy Christmas to all! Enjoy the holiday season however you celebrate it.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com