Beating cancer: The story of the caregiver

World Cancer Day will be celebrated on Friday. When cancer comes into your home, your home dynamics will definitely change, and as the person who assumes the role of a primary caregiver you will need to understand the potential changes and grapple with the complex and overwhelming mental, emotional and even physical stresses that comes as you take on the role of caregiver.

Janice Chambers, retired racing chemist, chemistry teacher, organists at two Roman Catholic churches in Kingston and tutor to many piano students, tells her story as a caregiver to her husband, Deacon Clive Chambers.

‘’As my spouse, Clive, likes to put it, he is nineteen years old this year. A new life was given to him since his prostate cancer surgery in January 2003. I was in Trinidad and Tobago with my family, when Clive reported the news over the phone as he had just received the results. Fortunately for me, the distance and the medium cushioned the blow. When the children and I returned to Jamaica, we faced the reality of his diagnosis,” Chambers said.

For the Chambers’, as a God-fearing family, their faith and trust in God’s love were and still is their source of strength and comfort.“I never pretended that everything was going to be without challenges but our church parish was totally supportive. Clive’s colleagues from his former workplace of over 20 years were also extremely supportive. I never at any point in time felt as if I were alone,” she said.

“I have to also say that Clive’s attitude also contributed to comfort me. He was the one who always exuded positivity and the feeling that all was well. After all, as he loves to say, he was not given a death sentence,” Chambers said.

With a cancer diagnosis, each family member may have different emotional needs that change frequently. Each may experience sadness, anxiety, anger, or even hopelessness; however, every family member must also be sensitive to the changing emotional needs that come with a cancer diagnosis.

Unlike many caregivers who with real reason lament about the high levels of stress-filled days, feelings of frustration and worse, depression, Chambers said stress, anxiety, frustration, depression did not ever come into play for her.

“There wasn’t ever a time when I didn’t feel appreciated. In fact, caring for Clive after surgery was not a big deal either because he tried so hard to help himself and maintain a good deal of his independence, that it took some amount of strain off of me,” she said.

EXPRESS FEELINGS

Spouses or partners caring for their loved one may find it difficult or even impossible to unpack their feelings of frustration, depression and anxiety as they fear hurting or overwhelming their partner. But it is important that the spouse or partner with cancer is able to express their feelings to someone who can handle the intensity of those feelings without being judgemental.

Also, having a physician that is patient, honest, understanding and really has your interest at heart definitely helps. “Our urologist, Professor William Aiken, is the best there is, and his entire approach and manner contributed to the ease with which we handled the situation. He answered all our questions, and I had many,” Chambers said.

A caregiver also needs supporters who consider his/her needs without them being openly articulated. “I would like to elaborate with regard to the support I received. A former co-worker of Clive’s took our eldest daughter to the grocery and checked in on the children for the couple days that I could remain with Clive in hospital,” Chambers said.

“A friend of mine, a retired RN, also organised a night nurse to be there with us the first night after the surgery. She thought it was necessary so she organised the service. The prayers, the visits, the phone calls were so much appreciated and comforting. As I reflect on the events as they played out, it is no wonder I never felt alone, or had need for a formalised support system as I know many persons in my situation have to put in place for those of us who care/cared for loved ones with cancer,” she added.

Subsequent to the surgery, Clive needed radiation and hormone treatment. The radiation was costly, and was needed over a short period of time. Once again, she said friends and church family stepped in and organised a big fundraising event. Other friends and relatives also contributed monetarily on their own volition.

“I do recall though, a couple of occasions when I became emotional. I was really moved when a visiting priest from Nigeria came to our home the evening before going to the hospital, to offer Mass for us and the children. It occurred to me that night that perhaps I should worry, but thank God, that thought was very short-lived,” Chambers said.

“Nineteen years have passed. We continue to give God thanks and look forward to another nineteen years and more being cancer-free and appreciating how great a zero result in a test can be. A PSA result of zero suggests that no cancer is present,” she added.

keisha.hill@gleanerjm.com