My friend is in turmoil

Q I am tired of listening to an ordeal my dear friend is experiencing. He tells me about the hell he lives through daily and the situations are on a never-ending cycle. I don't want to sound like a horrible friend but it's very painful knowing he is going through such constant crisis. He is known to be a man of integrity, one who is seen as the most sincere friend with a kind soul. There is no doubt that he's a faithful husband and a loving father. He expresses his unconditional love for his family. Anyone who knows him and his family knows that he goes the extra mile to make sure their needs are met. He truly treats his wife like a queen and supports her in every possible way, ensuring she lives a stress-free life. It is unfortunate that she does not reciprocate that.

She says she is a Christian and does not miss church on Sunday. But, she does not believe wives should submit to their husbands. She is annoyed by everything he does and does not allow him to enjoy his freedom. He makes sure everything is taken care of so she doesn't have to worry but somehow she is not content. I thought she was just a greedy woman but it seems her dissatisfaction is deeper than greed. I am starting to wonder if she has a mental illness, because her behaviour is worse than that of a selfish person, she seems to enjoy making his life more stressful than it needs to be. My friend has mentioned that he would never leave his wife and will keep his vows and keep praying that she is delivered from her sinful ways.

I cannot bear to hear of his turmoil anymore. Please tell me how I can assist with resolving his issue.

A As a friend you are not expected to be his psychologist. You are expected to be there for him in good and bad times. There is a place to listen to his troubles but if the friendship is largely based on hearing about his problems then it will get difficult and frustrating. You need therefore to encourage your friend to talk with a pastor since his wife is a member of a church.

The pastor can help them have a better understanding of God and how to interpret the Bible. Wives being submitted to husbands is not saying that the husband is better than the wife because the Bible affirms equality of genders and all persons. The Bible speaks about mutual submission to each other under God. The husband and wife relationship is therefore not a master and servant relationship. It is possible that both husband and wife have an incorrect understanding of submission in a marital relationship. Similarly, the husband as the head of the house is not a reference to rank, but responsibility. It is not even that the husband is first among equals but rather than he has certain responsibilities in relation to the proper management of the house and the bucks stops with him.

You have made a serious allegation about a possible mental illness being suffered by the wife. Apparently, you are making an intelligent speculation but you should leave that to professionals to determine. Therefore, encourage them to visit a professional counsellor if you seriously think she might have a mental illness.

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