Boost your child’s self-esteem

THE NURTURING of our children’s emotional development is important to ensure that we help to produce happy, healthy and productive citizens of the next generation. As we look towards celebrating May as Child Month, I would like to encourage parents to bear in mind that as you interact with your children on a daily basis, that you keep at the forefront of your mind how your words are impacting your child’s heart and mind. Additionally, many times, it is not what we say to our children, but how we say it. As we celebrate our little ones throughout the month of May, let us build them up with kind, positive, motivating words and show them love, especially through our genuine presence.

Here are five ways to give your child’s self-esteem a boost while also making yourself a more creative, flexible and effective parent.

1. SAY MORE POSITIVE THINGS TO YOUR CHILD EACH DAY THAN NEGATIVE ONES

It’s easy to get caught up in criticism and correction, but if all your child hears about is what he/she is doing wrong, he/she might begin to believe, “I can never do anything right”. Give as much emotion, energy and attention to the good things your child does as much as the ‘not so good’ things. If necessary, set up situations specifically to give yourself a reason to praise your child. Frequent smiles and hugs can go a long way, too.

2. FIND SOMETHING YOUR CHILD LOVES TO DO

You’re always going to have to spend a certain amount of time pushing him or her to do things that are hard and frustrating and discouraging, but everyone needs to spend some time doing things that are fun and fulfilling and empowering, too. If your child has a hobby or a special interest, encourage that (without taking over entirely). Even if all they like to do is listen to music or watch TV, you can discuss their likes and dislikes and give your children a chance to “show off” their knowledge and talents.

3. GIVE YOUR CHILD RESPONSIBILITIES

This can be hard to do for some children, especially very young children or those with special needs, who may not be able to follow through on typical chores. But with a little imagination, you can find small but important jobs from which your child can get a sense of feeling important. When children are able to carry out tasks, especially independently, they are able to gain a sense of responsibility and accomplishment – which directly leads to a boost in their sense of self. It can be as simple as putting a clean trash bag in an empty can, bringing the newspaper inside, making sure lights are turned off, or picking toys up off the floor. Having a ‘job’ of any sort is a self-esteem booster.

4. CONSIDER SCHOOL PLACEMENT CAREFULLY

Many parents worry that being in special education, especially in a self-contained class, will damage their child’s self-esteem. However, being in a class that is too challenging, or one in which the child perceives himself or herself as the weakest student, can be damaging as well. Listen to your child when he or she talks about how school feels, and be ready to do what’s needed to find the right fit. Most of all, be sure you aren’t determining placement based on your self-esteem, not your child’s.

5. SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILD

Whether you play games, take walks, have long bedtime chats, or just snuggle in front of the TV, spending time with your children shows them that you value their company. If you give the better part of your attention to work or personal interests, your child may feel that he or she is not important or deserving of your time. A little time and attention from a parent can pay off big in the long run, as these opportunities are important in helping to deepen the bond between yourself and your child. Young children’s identity and sense of importance comes mainly from parents and caregivers. It is not until they get older (teenage years) that the peer group becomes more important. The early years are critical in helping children understand healthy and functional relationships, which also teach them about unconditional love, healthy boundaries and mutual respect.

Kellie-Anne Brown Campbell is a licensed associate school psychologist and principal, McCam Child Care and Development Centre.