Clinton Chisholm | Lessons for fathers and other men

The 20th century was, arguably, the first century in human history that a call for men to arise was necessary and rang with urgency because the 20th century was the first century in human history that men had not been clearly seen as leaders in homes, religious centres and the wider societies!

The call for men to arise in the home, in the Church and in the wider society is not only necessary but urgent now, because the 20th century has seen the reversal of 19 centuries of male leadership (not always positive, mind you) and because the 21st century is likely to be worse than the 20th.

Toward this end, I share just two lessons for fathers and other men, if we are to raise children without raising hell. The first lesson pertains to fatherhood status.

FATHERHOOD STATUS

I wish to emphasise a simple yet fundamental reason why every father should be engaged in serious efforts for his child. You owe your child the best parental efforts you can give because of the status and responsibility you have been given, arising from that child’s existence. So parental efforts are necessary because of the parent’s status and responsibility.

What status, you might ask? I’ll tell you. Ponder this simple, even trite, but fundamental notion. Every grown male is a man and every grown female a woman, but being a mother or father is a status conferred upon you by a child.

Your status as a mother is dependent on that child. Your status as a father is dependent on that child and for some, on the child’s mother (short of a conclusive paternity test).

It is a humbling thought and if for no other reason, the child deserves proper parenting as a way of saying ‘thank you for the status you have conferred upon me’. The second lesson has to do with fatherhood responsibility.

You must take responsibility for your child’s upbringing because as a parent, you have both affected and afflicted your child.

I explain. That child has been affected and afflicted by your genes. That child may not physically look like you (a blessing for some children), but is like you genetically, diseases/infirmities and all.

It surely must be given serious thought that your negative genetic qualities can be passed on automatically by just contributing a sperm cell, yet your most wholesome abilities and personal qualities are the results of your nurturing and caring for that child.

Most of what now characterises you as a father has been acquired or developed by you and thus can be assuredly passed on only in the context of a stable and wholesome family setting, where the child can learn what is seen regularly.

The child’s existence confers status on the father. and it also creates the need for fatherhood responsibility.

In a nutshell, fathers and other men, we have an awesome responsibility in child-rearing and role modelling. Listen to pastor and historian Weldon Hardenbrook,

“The groundwork for the 20th-century fatherless home was set. By the end of the 19th century, for the first time, it was socially and morally acceptable for men not to be involved with their families.”( Weldon M. Hardenbrook, Missing From Action, 1996, p 127)

Marion J. Levy, in her social critique concerning reality at the end of the 19th century, wrote, “. ..for the first time in the history of humankind the overwhelming majority of little boys and little girls continued under the direct domination and supervision of ladies until they reached maturity. This has never happened before in history. Crusades, wars, migrations, pestilence — nothing for a people as a whole ever before took so large a percentage of young adults and older adult males out of the family context for so much of the waking time of children. Most of us have not even noticed this change, nor do we have any idea of its radicality”.

Brothers, we cannot compete with our wives or babymothers in the raising of children, but know this, our positive input in the lives of our children is critical for their psychological development. And this is true not only for boys, but for girls as well.

WHY ARE FATHERS NECESSARY IN CHILD-REARING?

Research shows that there is a close link between juvenile delinquency and absentee fathers!! Fatherless families generate far more delinquency and personality disorders than do normal or motherless families.

Hear the findings and conclusions of George Rekers, emeritus professor of neuropsychiatry and behavioural science at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine, “ Father absence has its strongest effect on sex-role orientation, which is defined as the conscious or unconscious sense of basic maleness or femaleness in the child.” (In John Piper & Wayne Grudem, Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood: a response to Evangelical Feminism, 1991, p 302)

Professor Rekers says if the father leaves the boy (physically or psychologically) before the age of five, effeminate behaviour is likely to develop; if the father leaves between the ages of six and 12, hyper-masculine problem behaviour such as aggression and violence may result. A very sensitive and aware mother can minimise these effects or a ‘father substitute’ but... (page 301).

Let this now stick in your minds, brothers; when a man, single or married, decides to have a child he does, in principle, and should, in practice, put his career, his interests, his ambitions on a modified path for the early years of that child’s life. Why?

Because proper child-rearing, of both girls and boys, demands the unique input of the biological father who, aware of the cruciality of his influence as one of the most significant persons in the child’s life, will seek to improve his parenting skills in the interest of his child’s holistic development.

FATHERHOOD REVISITED

I would have us all as men go beyond fatherhood as status toward fatherhood as function, a radically different and more demanding matter, naturally or spiritually.

Fatherhood can be seen as the collective loving care and nurture offered by a man who intends to safeguard the best interests of a child.

This kind of fatherhood involves both being and behaviour, who one is and what one does.

Spiritual fatherhood then, is a species or subset of fatherhood in general and should be seen as the collective loving care and nurture offered by a godly male who INTENDS TO SAFEGUARD THE BEST INTERESTS OF A SPIRITUAL CHILD.

That fundamental facet of spiritual fatherhood is being a behavioural role model. This comes out in 1 Timothy 4:12, where Paul encourages Timothy, in Greek, to be a typos. Being a consistent godly example is the best gift a father can give to his child.

‘MAN OF THE WORLD’ OR ‘MAN OF GOD’?

The epithet ‘man of God’ [Hebrew, Ish Elohim] is used some 75 times in the Old Testament with reference to priests, prophets and others who bring a message from God.

A common thread in the lives of those described as ‘man of God’- a commitment to the Word of God. so that life and ministry are governed by the Word of God (cf. Deuteronomy 17:18-20).

Men, we must arise for the sake of our children, our homes, our church and our societies.

You may have had that child long before Jesus found you or before you found your wife, or even by another woman than your wife, but you are legally responsible for that child until she/he turns 18, or 23 years old if the child is in post-secondary training.

Man up!!