Still in love with your ex?

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

Chris Issa

Do you still find that you are still in love with your ex? This is very difficult to deal with especially, when you are still loving someone in the past who may or may not have moved on to someone else and forgotten about you.

So what can you do? You feel tortured, as you still love them, may cry constantly and pine over them. You feel helpless as you still love your ex and want to get back together.

Tonydated Lorifor two years and they were the couple to be envied as they demonstrated their love for each other in the most heart-warming ways. The break-up came after Tony decided to play the field and told Lori he wanted a break. They still remained friends.

Lori is still on love with him and has expressed her loved for him on many occasions. He may still love her but Lori finds it hard to decide as he is always with a string of girls, which makes her very jealous, regardless of how much she tries to control it. Lori does not want to ruin their chances of getting back together, so whenever they meet, she is very submissive and is on her best behaviour so she can stand out in his mind as the 'right' one for him if he decides to settle down.

Self-test

Moving on after a break-up is easier for some than for others. Are you totally over him, getting there, or still holding out hope for a reunion? Find out from this quiz by Marissa Gold (IVillageNetwork).

1. How did your relationship end?

I ended it.

It was a complete shock and I was devastated.

We both knew things were rocky but I was completely ready to give up.

We decided to go our separate ways since things were not working.

2. What did you do with all the pictures of the two of you?

I put them in a box under my bed.

I threw them away.

I still have them up and look at them all the time.

I took them out of plain sight, but I still take them out and reminisce once in a while.

3. How long did it take you to go on a date with someone else?

I still have not been able to do so.

My friends have set me up with people but I admit I keep comparing them to my ex.

I have dated a bit but I have not felt great about anyone and I do not want to get serious.

I started dating and going out with my friends right away.

4. It's your ex's birthday. What do you do?

Nothing, actually I totally forgot.

Send a goodies basket to his office.

Give him a call or send a card.

Think about calling but decide not to.

5. If you saw your ex on a date with a new girl, how would you feel?

I'd probably confront him and/or run to the bathroom and cry.

It would hurt but I would try not to show it.

I would be curious to see what she looks like but it would spoil my day.

I would be happy for him or sorry for her.

6. How often do you check your ex's profile or away messages online?

Never.

Every day. I cannot help it!

Not every day but I take a look pretty often to see what he is up to.

Only once in a while.

7. Do you keep in touch with any of your ex's friends or family?

I only keep in touch with our mutual friends.

Not at all.

I email some of his friends to say hi but I am really interested in getting some information about him.

I send his family a holiday card but that's about it.

8. Did you ever feel like he was 'the one'?

No, but I really cared.

No.

Yes, and I still feel like we will be together someday.

Yes, but we just want different things/are too different as people.

Breaking up is hard to do, and some relationships are difficult to release. As may be expected, your love lingers long after your ex is gone and may even have moved to a new relationship. This naturally leaves you in a confused state about what to do next. In addition to the test you completed, here are some clear indicators that you may still be in love with your ex.

Seeking knowledge

One of the most obvious signs of a lingering love is a continued obsession with your ex. You may constantly be asking questions about your ex's activities and whereabouts, which indicates that you may still have a keen interest in him/her. You may go as far as talking to your ex's parents, siblings and close friends just to get the scoop on your ex. You may even go as far talking to people you do not even know just to stay in the loop. You are obsessed with finding information about your ex and this encourages you, as your love is still alive.

Trying extra hard

You may find that you are spending extra time to look extra nice since the break-up. You may buy fabulous clothes or other items you think your ex may like, as you would not want to be seen at your worst. Why are you devoting extra time on your appearance? Probably that your ex will come running back to you as he/she may still have strong feelings for you. You may also frequent places where you might see your ex or even drop by his family for a casual visit.

Submissive behaviour

If you are in touch with your ex, you may be overly agreeable or submissive, which is a display of lingering love. You feel like you can reconnect with your ex by supporting everything they do or say, even if you have issues with it. You will stand up for them to friends or family, making extra effort to give compliments or simply saying 'yes' to any request they may make of you. Being in love includes making sacrifices, and submissive behaviour shows that you will do just that.

Lyrics by Kelly Rowland sum up the feelings of being in love with your ex.

I never thought that we would break up for the better

Should've never made the promises to each other

So many things I should've said that you didn't know

Coming in from a past with a heavy load

But I knew that you were a good person

Give me love, you were faithful

It showed on my hand

I know there are questions in your mind you don't understand ...

Honesty

A shoulder I can lean on anytime I'm feeling stressed

Good loving (Yes)

The perfect soldier (Yes)

Was about to say "I do," when I know it wasn't meant

So I

Search in my mind, trying to figure it out

And thought I was happy but I'm having some doubts

Think I found the answer and I know I must confess

I'm still in love with my ex

And I wasn't ready when I said that I loved you

And in my heart, I know that I gotta tell you

I shouldn't have gone from a situation to the next

I'm still in love with my ex ...

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