DOCTOR'S ADVICE: Sex with more than 80 men!

Q Doctor, I am a 33-year-old female and I hope you will not disapprove too strongly of me. Since I was 18, I have been with many men.

I do not know why I do it. It is not that I really enjoy sex. In fact, most of the time I feel desperately dissatisfied. I rarely have an orgasm during sex, but I usually have one by masturbating. I sometimes feel that I am not a highly sexed woman. There are many mornings when I regret what I did the night before.

I have been married twice and I may have had sex with 80 to 100 men. I have never bothered to count. Doctor, I am not a happy woman.

A I am sure that you are not happy. You remind me of many women who have come to me for consultation. Society regards them as promiscuous, but, in fact, they do not enjoy what they are doing.

They usually do it because of low self-esteem. These women try to get some sort of self-affirmation by thinking, "At least this man wants to sleep with me."

Usually, the morning after the the act, the men leave and do not want to see the woman a gain. This reinforces feelings that she is worthless or inadequate.

Some of these women have the idea that if they could only find the 'right' penis, everything would be OK, and they would start having wonderful orgasms. Sadly, this is never the case.

In your case, this has been happening for about 15 years, and clearly it's time to stop this kind of destructive behaviour. What you need to do now is build your self-esteem.

If you can find a counsellor or therapist who could help you do this, that would be good. Alternatively, you could talk to a minister of religion, or some other person you respect.

There are also very good sites on the Internet which show people how to increase their self-esteem. Whatever you do, you must concentrate on thinking about your good points.

I expect these include:

Kind acts you have done for others.

Being nice to those in distress

Being unselfish and polite in your daily life.

I think you should forget about sex completely for the next year or so. Decide that you will not date for the next 12 months.

After all, you don't actually need sex, especially as all your sexual experiences over the past 15 years have been miserable.

If you can spend a year working on your self-esteem, then (and only then) you could start thinking about looking for a long-term or lifelong partner.

But when you do begin searching for such a man, I urge you not to sleep with anyone. You should be looking for a man who values, respects and loves you. Be on the lookout for a great companion, rather than someone who might possess a magical male organ.

I wish you well in sorting out your life. And remember: stop sleeping with men!

Q I am a 26-year-old man but I do not have much knowledge about sex. After a party two weeks ago, a girl gave me what I think is called a handjob.

We did not have sex and I did not touch her.

Now I have soreness in my groin, and a small swelling. Could she have given me a venereal disease?

AIt is almost impossible to catch a sexually transmitted infection (STI) from hand petting. So I really do not think you could have contracted anything from this girl.

But you should check with a doctor to find out the cause of this soreness. The doctor will also examine the lump on your groin, which could be caused by a rupture.

Q I have been through a lot of stress recently, and now my monthly cycle has stopped. Any idea what could have caused this, Doctor?

AStress is a common cause of missed periods. But if you have had sex in the last few months, you should take a pregnancy test.

If it is negative, you should consult a doctor. You may have some medical condition such as anaemia which is affecting your cycle.

QDoctor, I hate to using condoms. Every time I try, my erection disappears. What can I do?

AThe inability to get on with condoms is extremely common, and is known medically as condom collapse syndrome.

It is caused by anxiety about putting on the condom. Unfortunately, anxiety is the enemy of erections, because when you are anxious, your body produces 'anxiety chemicals' that prevent blood from flowing into the penis.

Sex experts usually say that the answer is to ask your partner to unroll the condom on to your erect organ. The erotic stimulus of seeing her do that, plus the pleasant feelings caused by the touch of her fingers, is usually enough to maintain a strong erection.

QFollowing the death of a very close relative recently, I got very depressed. My doctor put me on anti-depressants, but ever since I have had difficulty having an orgasm. Why is this?

ACertain anti-depressant drugs are notorious for making it difficult to have an orgasm. If you still need to be on an anti-depressant, ask your doctor to change your prescription to another brand. I hope that this switch will be effective.

QWhat foods should I eat in order to become slim?

AIt is more a question of which foods you should not eat. The ones to avoid are those with fat in them.

This is because of the simple fact that fat contains more than twice as many calories as other types of food.

I would strongly recommend that you get a diet sheet from a doctor. Also, you can download useful slimming diets from the Internet by typing the words 'low fat diet' into your search engine.

QIs oral sex bad for the teeth?

ANo, it is not. So please do not worry. Please note that the best way to keep your teeth healthy is to make sure that you clean them three times a day, preferably after meals.

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