Being Single

Heather Little-White, Ph D, Contributor

'I don't need a man to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we'll ever have is the one with ourselves.'

- Shirley MacLaine

Traditionally, during the month of June weddings abound and the issue of marriage is in focus. We are socialised to expect that, as adults, we enter into relationships with the intention of getting married. However, times have changed and many persons choose to remain single. No longer do we speak of spinsters and bachelors but of 'singles', indicating a choice of lifestyle with a commitment to a single and happy life. Even among those who eventually get married or divorced, the single lifestyle spans the greater portion of their lives than was the case in the past.

Being single, while not replacing the family unit, is a viable option for many either as an alternative to marriage or as a way of life following divorce. With the rise in divorce, unplanned pregnancies or personal choice, there are more single parents. Some women and men prefer to focus on education and their careers and deliberately choose to remain single. Persons who are single often earn the wrath of married couples who view them as potentially threatening (Stolk and Brotherton). Singles are as sexually active as married couples and, very often, sexual attraction to a single person in a flirtatious affair could lead to permanent liaisons, jeopardising the marriage.

One may wonder if there can be true happiness being single. You are occupying a physical space by yourself, but you should never be lonely once you have a mixture of fulfilling activities. Janicenotes that living alone can be calming and peaceful. "I do not envy my married friends who have to argue with their husbands about putting things away and even a chance to get to watch the movie of your choice."

Basics

Certain basics are required for living alone and enjoying it. These include a healthy head space, that is, staying positive and loving yourself.

Actually, loving yourself is a gift to you. When you love yourself, you are focused on your health, your attitude, your way of thinking, and you are also able to see the big picture. You are also able to reach out and love others easily. Loving yourself is not selfish. It is the exact opposite. You are able to put positive energy into the world.

Keep a great place

You should keep your apartment in top shape, clean at all times especially if you have friends and family who may drop in. You can do your laundry and housekeeping in your own time and at your own pace.

Meditate

When your home is clean and comfortable, you should get the habit of meditating. Become still, and in the silence you should find insights into challenges you may be having.

Eat healthy

Eating right, with five servings of fruit and vegetables on your daily menu, should prevent you from lifestyle diseases. Try to keep healthy snacks at home.

Laugh

Learn to laugh at yourself and get laughs from a play or a movie. Laughter is healthy which makes life happy. Join a laughter club and learn to become a laughter expert.

Hobbies

Find hobbies that you find interesting. If you like to draw, you may take up a night course in art. If you have a flair for writing, start writing for a local magazine or newsletter. Janice spends her time cooking so she always has friends and family over and enjoys having theme parties for different groups.

Exercise

Walking in the park or in your neighbourhood allows you to meet friends with similar interests. Nilesaid he found a soulmate at the gym. Both are career professionals and choose to stay single even as they do fun things together. Learning to swim is a fun form of exercise as is cycling. Any form of exercise strengthens the mind, reduces stress and keeps the body conditioned. Commit to at least 30 minutes of brisk exercise at least three times a week.

Reading maketh a man

Give reading a try, even if you do not like to. Reading de-stresses you and enhances your mental household. Start with fiction novels and join a book club. Visit the library, if possible, as this is an inexpensive access to books.

Get involved

Join an organisation that will allow you to be involved in voluntary work. This can be very rewarding and you will meet many people. Your church is a good place to start by volunteering for one of the committees.

Get a pet

If you like animals, keeping a pet will provide an experience of unconditional love. It can be quite demanding as pets are like children, but the value is tremendous.

Friends

You can always call on friends if you need to talk or just to hear someone at the end of the line. In the days of affordable telephone rates, two friends would watch the same movie on television while maintaining a running commentary on the phone. "If you are single, there is always one thing you should take out with you on a Saturday night ... your friends." - Sex in the City.

Today, as significant numbers of people choose not to marry for all or for large portions of their lives, it is important that singles live a fulfilled and happy life.

Names changed.

Send feedback/questions to Heather Little-White at: heatherl@cwjamaica.com