Let's Talk Life; Grief and loss

Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson, Contributor

Dear Counsellor:

I think my 11-year-old daughter is depressed. Her classmate drowned recently and since then, she has become withdrawn, quiet and tearful. I try to comfort her and nurture her but she keeps asking for her friend.

- Mona

Dear Mona:

Children grieve when a pet dies or a relative or a friend dies. Your daughter seems to be disturbed about the situation. Withdrawal and reservation are stages in the grieving process. Over time, she will become more sociable and start interacting with others.

Talk with her about her feelings and behaviour. She will be able to say that she is feeling unhappy, disappointed and neglected. She can write a letter to her friend, explaining her feelings and thoughts. This will allow her to ventilate and come to terms with her loss. She can keep a journal and make a daily entry about her thoughts.

Grieving is one of the most challenging tasks that humans have to deal with. As parents, we have to support our children. Many times, children start to wet their beds and become clingy and demanding. This phase will pass and they will start to behave more sociably.

If her symptoms become more severe or do not appear to be going away, take her to a therapist. The therapist will help her to come to terms with her loss.

A whiff of smoke

Dear Counsellor:

I suspect that my teenage daughter is taking some sort of drug. She is stealing money and locking herself in her room. She is always on the phone and her schoolwork is deteriorating. What do you think?

- Michelle

Dear Michelle:

Substance abuse among adolescents is a real problem. Many adolescents experiment with drugs such as cigarettes, marijuana, cocaine, amphetamine and alcohol. Drunk driving is a big problem and parents have to be on the lookout for such addictions. It is with good reason that you suspect drug use but there may be other problems as well. She may be depressed or having behaviour problems.

Talk with her and see if she will confide in you. It is not easy to connect with teenagers, as they are often secretive and clannish. They may prefer to talk with their peers or a pastor or teacher. Tell your daughter that you have observed certain things and you are very concerned.

She may deny drug use but you can have a blood or urine test done. These tests will identify drugs in her system. Take her to a general practitioner for a physical evaluation. We need to make sure that she is physically well.

Take her to a therapist to help her deal with issues that she may have. She may have concerns about self-esteem, relationships, or sexual issues or abuse issues. These issues are best dealt with in a therapy session.

Email comments and feedback to Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson at yvonniebd@hotmail.com or phone 978-8602.