Doctor's advice:Can he detect signs of unfaithfulness?

Q Doctor, are there any special 'signs of adultery' ?

I am a 33-year-old female and my marriage is not a very happy one. My husband has treated me very badly in the past. He has always said that if I was unfaithful, he would be able to detect it because I would show signs of adultery. Well, my current situation is that I have met a handsome and loving younger man. I think I am in love with him. He says he adores me. We meet at lunch times, doctor, and I am embarrassed to tell you that we are now having sex. And wonderful sex, too! It is much better than being 'used' by my husband.

But, is there any truth in this idea that a man can tell if his wife is being unfaithful? Are there really signs that could give me away?

A I am sorry that your marriage is so unhappy. From what you have said, I cannot see a long-term future for it. It appears to me that you should think about consulting a lawyer or a marriage counsellor, or maybe both.

Please be careful. Having sex with this younger man is clearly a dangerous game. What would happen if your husband came home unexpectedly, and caught you? I fear you may be in danger of him being violent.

Now, is your spouse telling the truth about signs of adultery? Not really. This is a warning that some men give to their wives to try to keep them from playing around. But in reality, the only way your husband could 'find you out' would be if he came home from work, decided to have sex with you, and then detected that you already had seminal fluid in your body or on your skin.

However, some people are very good at detecting differences in behaviour patterns which indicate that a partner is being unfaithful. If your husband is a shrewd man, he may observe that you are behaving differently.

Q I found my fiancé looking at pictures of naked women on the Internet. I do not really mind this, because I understand that that's how many men are.

But one thing puzzles me doctor. How is it that so many perfectly nice-looking women are willing to let their private body parts be shown in this way? I have a good body, but I would never, ever pose for a naked photo. Am I abnormal?

ANo, you are not abnormal. A lot of women feel exactly the same way as you do, especially if they have been raised with a strict code of sexual morals.

I must confess that I, too, am a little surprised that literally hundreds of thousands of young women feel quite comfortable to have their breasts and genitals photographed, and then displayed on the Internet. Obviously, in some cases they do it for money. Others probably just enjoy 'showing off'.

I think you are being pretty tolerant of your fiancé's 'viewing habits'. But if there is any possibility that he is getting addicted to Internet porn, then you should encourage him to seek counselling.

Q I am a prominent 37-year-old businessman, and have always been successful with women. To be frank, I have had sex with at least half-dozen women this year.

But in the last few weeks, I have noticed something rather alarming doctor. My organ has started to bend quite markedly when I am erect. None of my partners has noticed this yet. However, last week one of them did say that she thought 'everything felt a little different'.

Will this bending continue? If it progresses much further, I am not sure if I will be able to have intercourse. Could it be caused by some form of infection? What do you think, doctor?

AWell, it is most unlikely that this bending is caused from an infection, though very rarely a type of long-established gonorrhoea can cause a 'kink' in the penis.

I think I should also tell you that having sex with six women already this year, does expose you to a risk of infection. Please be careful in the future.

But ,the likely cause of this 'angulation' in your organ is simply the well-known condition called 'Peyronie's disease'. What happens is that a hard and often painful 'patch' develops in one part of the male organ, and that gradually pulls it sideways, or more commonly upwards.

This is a condition that needs expert help. So I really urge you to consultant a urological surgeon (a urologist) as soon as possible. Of course, he will not be able to see how your penis looks when you are not erect. But these days, it is easy to get around that problem. All you need to do is to use your mobile phone to take a picture of your bent erection, and then show the image to him.

If he agrees that you have Peyronie's disease, he will be able to advise you about the various drugs that are used to help this. I expect that he will also tell you about the 'straightening' exercises which are employed by some patients. He will also inform you whether he suggests one of the various operations which are attempted for Peyronie's disease, notably one which tries to straighten everything out, by stitching a little 'tuck' in the penis.

More information is available at the following website: www.peyronies.org. I wish you well.

Q I reached menopause three years ago, but now I have started bleeding again, like a period. Is this OK, doctor?

ANo! Vaginal bleeding after menopause must never be ignored. To be frank, this can often be a sign of cancer in the womb. Therefore, any woman who has this symptom must see a doctor immediately!

Q I am 42, and have recently noticed a tender swelling around my right testicle. Could this be cancer?

AWell, testicular cancer mostly occurs in much younger men, particularly in the 18-30 age group.

But something definitely must be wrong with your testicle, and on the basis of probability, I would guess that it may be an infection. This could be due to past VD, but it is possible that it is not related to sex. However, what you must now do is to see a doctor. I would strongly suggest that you ask him about having an ultrasound scan of your testicle.

QCan oral sex damage the delicate vaginal tissues? I am a 49-year-old female, and have a wonderful new boyfriend. But I have passed menopause, and wonder if intensive oral stimulation could harm me?

ANo, there should be no problem, particularly if you use a lot of lubricant.

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