Let's Talk Life: Relationship skills

Dear Counsellor:

I have been with this guy for two years. We frequently have fights and disputes. I think it's best that we seek counselling.

- Angela

Dear Angela:

Relationships are challenging and I agree that you both should get counselling.

People have disputes for several reasons. The issues may be money, sex, household chores or parenting. Many times, there are problems with the communication patterns. Sometimes, couples cannot peacefully discuss issues. You have to agree to disagree with each other.

Both persons in a relationship have their own needs and wants, and their own way of dealing with issues. Partners should respect each other and respect themselves. Don't take each other for granted. Indecent language or the use of weapons in disputes is not acceptable. Both partners must control their anger.

You both need to learn problem-solving skills. Try to identify problems and think of possible solutions. Many people quarrel but cannot pinpoint the problem that causes disputes.

Money can be a bone of contention between couples. If you live together, you need to have a budget and share the costs. It doesn't have to be a 50-50 split, as one person may be earning much more than the other.

Plan your budget. There are vital items and desired items. You will both need to save toward large purchases and to spend money wisely.

Intimacy is vital in a couple's relationship. Touching, hugging and kissing are important activities. Do a lot of this. Don't refuse to be affectionate. Love is important in such relationships, so you have to try to be demonstrative. Practise forgiveness and work positively on the relationship.

Teen problems

Dear Counsellor:

I have a teenage son who has become very defiant and aggressive. He locks himself in his room and keeps the room untidy. His schoolwork has deteriorated. I am at the point of giving up.

- Maureen

Dear Maureen:

Teenage years can be difficult and parents need help to navigate these years.

Take your son to a therapist. The therapist will try to establish rapport with your son. He will try to get your son to talk about himself and his concerns.

Your son may be having problems with friends or he may need extra help with his schoolwork. Schoolwork gets difficult as the years go by, so he might need help to organise himself and to improve his study skills.

Are there any changes in the household or in the family? Has anyone died lately? Your son may be depressed or using drugs. The therapist can do a urine test to detect ganja or cocaine. Pray for your son and let God direct your path.

Youth should be in touch with their spirituality and have a personal relationship with God. They need to feel both parental and godly love. They need guidance on what is acceptable behaviour and attitude. Teenagers need a sense of purpose to develop goal-directed behaviour.

Everything will go well because God is on the job. Think positive and act positive.

Email questions and comments for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call her at 978-8602.