Preparing for the afterlife
Published:Tuesday | August 24, 2010 | 12:00 AM
When the celestial trumpets sound and the dead in Christ rise, 64-year-old Ralph Stewart from Craighton, St Andrew knows exactly where he'll be going. Not only that, the reclusive farmer also knows how he'll get there, and that's in a sturdy cedar casket with solid metal handles and all the trimmings a newly-departed could ask for. He should know, too. After all, the casket has been sitting in his kitchen since he had it made almost 20 years ago. But more on that later.
First, let me explain how I came to be in the company of the persnickety casket man.
It was at a grave-digging at a church in the out-of-the-way community that mention was first made of the mysterious Maas Ralph. I was there with photographer Ian Allen as a handful of community men prepared the sepulchre for a recently deceased church member who was to be buried two days later.
Abraham, a greying farmer wearing a red cap and jeans, was the first to tell us about Maas Ralph.
"Him well prepare. Have it heng up inna him yard from long time," he said.
"When fi him time come, everything done prepare."
I figured this fellow must have been well up in age if he already made preparations for his demise. Not so, according to the grave-diggers.
"No man, Maas Ralph ah nuh old man. Him have di casket put dung from him a young smaddy," said a short, stocky man who was taking a break from mixing cement.
I told the men that I wanted to meet the casket man, and, suddenly, there was a hush.
Mountains trek
"Eem, no sah! Maas Ralph nuh tolerate stranger. Yuh caan go deh so widout invitation, him will lick yuh dung!" said the stocky man.
It took some amount of pleading but, eventually, Abraham decided to take us to meet Maas Ralph.
"Mek sure unnu careful how unnu approach him still. Mek me lead yuh," said Abraham.
So off we went. Now, to be honest, had I known the mountains we would've had to climb and the thorny bushes we would have to navigate, I probably would have thought twice before deciding to make the trip. Abraham, though, was an able guide and used his machete to clear the way where necessary.
Of course, the journey to get to the house made me wonder what kind of person I was going to meet. Who would live out here? Plus, I already knew he kept a casket at his home. I started feeling nervous.
After about 15 minutes of walking, Abraham suggested I take a detour, just in case Maas Ralph wasn't in the mood for company.
"You go around to the front and wait. At least, if him see only one smaddy him might nuh vex," said Abraham. He gave me directions and I followed a narrow path which was to take me to the front of Maas Ralph's house. Ian stayed with Abraham who was going to take him to a side entrance to the man's yard.
Soon, I arrived at the front gate of Maas Ralph's house that was built on the side of a huge hill. I looked around for any sign of life but saw nothing. I slowly walked up a concrete slope, figuring Abraham and Ian had already made it inside.
Suddenly, I was stopped in my tracks.
"How yuh fi carry people to mi place like that?" yelled someone with a booming voice. I heard Abraham trying to explain that we were harmless. It didn't seem to do much good though.
My mind started racing. Do I continue walking up to the man's house, running the risk of further angering him? Or, do I turn around and get the you-know-what out of there before Maas Ralph decided to use me to christen his casket. I was torn, thinking that I really couldn't abandon Ian at a time like this, not when we had made the journey together.
I was jolted out of my contemplation by a loud shout.
"Yuh must do better! You nuh have any sense! Don't do that!" the person shouted.
It was then that it occurred to me that I never really liked Ian anyway, and in one swift spin, I was hurriedly heading back down the concrete slope to the safety of nearby bushes.
A few minutes later, Abraham appeared and I emerged from my hiding spot. "Where yuh was? We was waiting on yuh," he said. I told him I had taken a wrong turn somewhere and had only just arrived.
"Alright, come along. Maas Ralph was vex, but him alright now," said Abraham.
Simple life
I walked up to the house to find Ian in deep conversation with a bespectacled man wearing a red shirt. The fellow smiled and waved when he saw me, a definite contrast to the angry voice I earlier heard.
It turns out Maas Ralph is one of the most welcoming persons I've ever met. He does admit to having a bit of a temper but, otherwise, he's quite easy-going.
We asked him about the casket.
"Well, what you have heard is true. I have it here for around 19 years. I believe you have to be prepared in this life, so I have made preparations," he said.
Maas Ralph explained that he chopped the wood to make the casket himself, and gave specifications to a carpenter about how he wanted it crafted. That was when he was 45 years old. Since then, the casket has been sitting in his kitchen.
"I don't believe you should spend a lot of money to bury somebody. I believe you must take care of people when they are alive, not when they die. I just want a simple life here in the mountains and, when I die, at least I know that is already taken care of," he said.
I couldn't argue with that.