Let's talk life: Libido problems

Dear counsellor,

I am 40 years old and find that I lack interest in my husband. I don't have any desire for sex. I have been married for 10 years and sex was usually good. HELP.

- Scarlett

Dear Scarlett,

Sexual interest varies between partners. How do you solve problems with your husband? Many women withhold sex as part of disciplining their partner. Is there abuse in the marriage? Is there physical or psychological abuse? Some men are controlling or very jealous. Have you ever been rape or sexually abused? Studies have shown that women who have been traumatised have sexual difficulties. Why have you lost interest in your husband? Are you sexually attracted to another person?

Some people find that after many years with their partners, they lose interest in sex. Keeping the marriage going is a task that you will have to work on. Get creative and discuss with your husband how you can energise the marriage. You know, after a while sex partners start to take each other for granted. The same thing you did to catch the partner is the same thing you have to do to keep the person. Rekindle the romance in your marriage. Go for a second honeymoon.

Marriage counselling is good and you should go into therapy to discuss the various issues. Many things affect interest and desire. Sometimes there is resentment, anger and frustration towards each other. People recommend that a couple should not go to bed angry and they should be quick to resolve their differences. Is your husband helping with the children and the chores? Women get angry with their spouses about these things and get turned off from sex.

Depression and/or anxiety can cause problem with sexual activity. Are you unhappy, distressed, despondent or stressed? Do you feel weak and fatigued? Are you sleeping well? What about your appetite?

See your doctor for a physical check up.

Ageing well

Dear counsellor,

I am afraid of growing old. I would like to get some tips on ageing well.

- Marie

Dear Marie,

Ageing is a process that starts from in the womb. Mothers-to-be should eat well, be happy and keep their doctor's appointment. Children should be taught to eat healthy, exercise and to express their feelings appropriately. Parents should read to their young ones so that they can develop a love for reading. These skills are needed when you are old. As adult, you should take your supplements, eat healthy and exercise. Spirituality is important and one needs to have a relationship with God. Spirituality is important as it gives meaning and purpose to life. Many people are searching for the meaning and purpose of life. As we grow older, we question ourselves about life.

Stress management is important and we need to manage our emotions. Anger management is the key to successful relationships. Reading is to be encouraged as well as crossword puzzles; find a word and board games. We need to keep the brain active by keeping up with current affairs. Reading the newspapers and watching educational shows on television will help to keep the brain active. Keep yourself involve with your family and church as you will always need them.

We have many medical illnesses so you will need to take your medications and keep your doctor's appointment. We find that people are non-compliant with medications and office visits. They therefore developed complications and early death.

We can age well if we do these various things.

E-mail questions and comments for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call her at 978-8602.