Flirting with danger in Hartlands

So I somehow managed to get on Miss Clara's good side - a feat, I was told, not achieved by most visitors to Hartlands in St Catherine. I don't exactly know how I did it, but the ageing woman seemed to have just taken a liking towards me.

"Come here meck mi feel yuh shoulder dem," she said when I walked into her small, freshly painted shop in the community, recently.

"Well ... er ... ," I muttered, hesitantly.

"Come here, man. Mi like man wid big, broad shoulder," she said, smiling.

Now far be it from me to speak ill of the elderly, but Miss Clara, as affable as she is, is no oil painting.

"Why yuh face meck up so? Come meck Miss Clara feel yuh shoulder dem," she said.

I regret to say I gave in to the pressure and walked reluctantly over to the woman, allowing her to run her wrinkled hands all across my shoulders and back. It's an episode I have since tried hard to forget.

Anyway, when that was done, the woman smiled. "See? Miss Clara don't bite."

For the next few minutes, I stood silently inside the shop trying to think happy thoughts.

Need a big woman

"So what yuh doing around here? Is somebody yuh come to look for? Dem young girl is trouble, yuh know. Is pure money dem want and don't know how to take care ah dem man. Yuh need a big woman, not a likkle girl," she said, grinning.

Eager to change the subject, I told Miss Clara that I had actually stopped in Hartlands because of how peaceful the place seemed. There were cane fields all around and a single dusty road. Goats were grazing in silence and, but for a few shops and bars that were open, there wasn't much activity.

"Well, most people gone out to work at dis time," she said. "It more livelier dan what yuh see today, still. Yuh just visit at a bad time. Most time when yuh ... " Miss Clara stopped mid-sentence and held up her hand. A frown came over her face. I looked behind me, but there was nobody there. I was about to ask her what was the matter, when she started coughing, violently.

"Cough, cough! Eh hem!" She went on that way for quite a few seconds. I didn't know what to do. I asked her if she was OK.

"Yes, man," she responded when her coughing finally subsided.

"Is just a likkle cold pan di chest. Yuh can come rub mi back likkle if yuh want," she said.

I politely, but quickly declined and asked if there was anyone else nearby who would be able to tell me about Hartlands.

Before she could answer, a man walked into the shop. He was sweating heavily and carried a shiny machete.

"Gimmi a half-a-bread and cheese deh," he said to Miss Clara.

"Yuh don't see mi in conversement wid di gentleman?" she asked.

"Oh, mi never know..." the man started to reply.

"But yuh must know!" Miss Clara interrupted.

I quickly intervened, telling them both that I had no problem waiting while she attended to him.

"Well alright, ah going for di knife," said Miss Clara before walking outside through a back door.

Taking a break

I asked the man if he lived in Hartlands. "Yeah. Mi doing some work on di hill deh, so is a likkle break mi get and decide fi get some food," he said. "Di sun hot today yuh see?"

I asked him if he enjoyed living in the area.

"Living inna Hartlands? It alright. It nuh more betta dan anyweh else, but right yah now no betta nuh deh. Yuh ongle haffi meck di best outa wah yuh have," he said.

I could hear Miss Clara approaching, so I quicly thanked the man for his time and slipped outside. As I walked briskly away from the shop, I could hear the elderly woman's voice.

"Yuh see how yuh come interfere wid mi business! Is true yuh come inside here meck mi nuh get wah mi want yuh know! Cho!" she yelled to the man.

robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com