Doctor's advice: My girlfriend is unable to climax

Q My girlfriend is 28. She had a problem with her previous boyfriend because he managed to rip the inside of her vagina with his fingernail.

Now she is unable to orgasm. This makes our sex life moody.

Could the injury she sustained be the reason why she cannot discharge?

A That is very likely. When a woman sustains a vaginal injury, there may be two bad consequences:

(i) She may develop vaginismus, which is a sort of 'muscle contract' around the vagina;

(ii) She may lose the ability to climax.

In your girlfriend's case, it seems likely that this tear or cut in the vagina caused her so much pain and distress that she just cannot orgasm at the moment. You do not say whether she was able to orgasm before the vaginal injury. But if she used to be able to do it, that would be very good news because it suggests that she should be able to achieve it again.

What she should do now is to go to a gynaecologist for an examination. The doc will be able to check if the cut has healed properly, and whether there is any scarring. The doc will also be able to advise her about what to do next.

Once your girlfriend has recovered from the psychological trauma of that injury, there is a good chance that she will be able to relax and relearn to climax.

QI lost my virginity six months ago. I am now 19. The other night, I was looking in a mirror and I discovered that I have several tiny pink bumps, making a sort of ring just inside the opening of my vagina.

They don't hurt or itch, but I am wondering if you know what they are.

AThese are probably just the remains of your hymen. The hymen, also known as the 'virgin's veil', is the thin pink membrane which gets broken when a woman loses her virginity.

Very often, the remains of it persist far into adult life, forming little bumps which are just like those you have described.

However, if you would like to be absolutely certain, ask a doc to examine you.

Q I hope you can help me. My problem is that I have PE. Whenever my wife and I have sex, I seem to want to come in three minutes or so. This gets her very frustrated.

What can I do to correct this?

A Well, PE, or premature ejaculation, is the second most frequent topic in my mailbox. There are huge numbers of men who climax far too soon and who, therefore, leave their partners dissatisfied.

Now you say that you last about three minutes. In fact, that is not too bad. Many guys with PE can only last 30 seconds or so! Therefore, it is clear that you have the condition fairly mildly. And I am sure that you can be helped.

The first thing you must do is talk this matter over with your wife. Explain to her that you do not mean to frustrate her by climaxing too soon.

Next, try to work out with her a plan whereby you will call out a code word, such as 'ackee', whenever you are getting too excited. She should agree that as soon as she hears you shout that word, she will immediately stop moving and will not say anything that could further inflame your passion.

In fact, when a couple is trying to defeat PE, it is often a good idea for the woman to lie, kneel or sit on top of the man. This makes it a lot easier for her to withdraw a few inches away from him when it becomes apparent that he is getting overexcited.

What else can you do? Well, in a relatively mild case of PE, such as yours, it is often helpful to use the slide technique, in which the guy distracts himself with thoughts of sports, or other non-sexual interests, as soon as he realises climax might be near.

If you can get hold of them, the special German condoms which have a little local anaesthetic inside might help you. Personally, I do not recommend other products which contain local anaesthetic because the numbing agent can get on to the woman and dull the sensation for her.

Also, you could try taking a prescribed antidepressant drug.

But your best move would be for you and your wife to go to a counsellor, who can teach you the simple Masters-Johnson exercise, which trains a guy to last longer.

QMy teenage daughter has emailed me from England saying she has accidentally got pregnant. She also announces that she is going to have something called 'a medical termination'.

What is this? Does it mean an abortion?

AYes, it does. But the phrase 'medical termination' means that the surgeons will not be cutting her.

Instead, the entire procedure is carried out by giving her two doses of medication. These are administered 48 hours apart. Soon after the second dose, the woman experiences a miscarriage.

QI am concerned that I am 'different' from other young guys. A year ago, my voice broke, and I started getting interested in girls.

At the same time, I realised my sex organs were getting larger. But what is making me fret, Doc, is that I don't seem to have much pubic hair. Other guys have a real 'forest' but I have very little.

Is something wrong with me? And should I take a hormone test?

AIt's important to realise that young people, whether male or female, develop at varying rates. Some guys have a lot of pubic hair by the time they are 14. Others don't get much until they are 18 or 19.

Also, the amount of pubic hair people have depends, to some extent, on their genetic inheritance. For instance, guys who have Chinese ancestry tend to have relatively thin pubic hair.

From what you tell me, my guess is that you are completely normal, and that you don't need a hormone test.

Q I am female, aged 21, and I have recently started to orgasm. So that is good. But my boyfriend says that I should ejaculate at the moment of climax. I don't. Why?

AYour boyfriend is mistaken. There is a widespread myth that women should ejaculate liquid whenever they orgasm.

But in fact, research has shown that only a small minority of women experience 'female ejaculation'.

Email questions for Doc to saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com. Also read Doctor's Advice in The Sunday Gleaner's magazine, Outlook.