Relationships and natural disasters

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

Natural disasters and other traumatic events can turn your world upside down. Janet and Robbie Simms had a major disagreement on Thursday, October 1, and that night they went to bed angry at each other and not even on speaking terms. Later that night, Tropical Storm Nicole unleashed her wrath on their house, flooding them out and forcing them to flee to family on higher ground in the early morning.

According to Robbie, "When I saw the water gushing into our house, I thought of my wife and two children and what it would mean if we were to stay and all die ... . The love I had for my wife and children compelled me to grab them and run to family on higher ground ... . I had no time to be upset with Janet anymore and when we got to safety and reflected, it was so easy for us to go back to our usual loving relationship and we actually asked forgiveness of each other ... ."

Natural disasters have the ability to build stronger relationships despite the emotional and physical exhaustion couples may face. In spite of the tragedy, some families just feel happy to be alive and this creates a stronger bond. However, the longer rehabilitation takes, it could eventually wear down patience between couples and the bond after the initial impact of the disaster may eventually weaken.

When a storm or hurricane strikes, victims experience intense thunder, lightning, wind and extensive rains resulting in flooding, tearing out trees, destroying roads and bridges and wrecking buildings including their own homes.

Often an entire community is impacted during natural disasters, further undermining your family's sense of security and normalcy. These factors present a variety of unique issues and coping challenges, depending on the type of disaster. There may be considerations for relocation of the family home and when whole communities are destroyed, the trauma is exacerbated and emotional reactions are heightened in trying to settle neighbours including extended family members.

In tropical countries like Jamaica, where natural disasters are likely to occur, it is necessary to emphasise immediate responses and teach effective coping strategies, fostering supportive relationships, and helping children understand the disaster event. Family members may experience survivor guilt (that they survived while others were killed). Healing in the aftermath of a natural disaster takes time.

Trauma effects

Manifestations of the trauma which affects relationships include the following reactions among adults and children which may last for several days or a few weeks:

• Emotional reactions: shock; fear; grief; anger; guilt; shame; feeling helpless or hopeless; feeling numb; feeling empty; diminished ability to feel interest, pleasure, or love.
  
• Cognitive reactions: confusion, disorientation, indecisiveness, worry, shortened attention span, difficulty concentrating, memory loss, unwanted memories, self-blame.
  
• Physical reactions: tension, fatigue, edginess, insomnia, aches or pain, startling easily, racing heartbeat, nausea, change in appetite, change in sex drive.
  
• Interpersonal reactions: distrust, conflict, withdrawal, work problems, school problems, irritability, loss of intimacy, being overly controlling, feeling rejected or abandoned (www.authorsden).

Most floods take time for the water to recede and clean-up may not begin immediately. It becomes an even more harrowing experience when, after weeks, sometimes months, you can still:

• view desolation of the landscape.
  
• smell sludge and sodden property.
  
• experience coldness and wetness, and vast amounts of mud.

Coping with stress

As these conditions exist, they bring on bad memories or dreams. It is natural for people to experience difficulty in sleeping, eating and being alert. When disasters take place, it easy for people to lose their temper. These are all normal reactions to stress. While there is no simple solution, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests the following to help you and your family overcome some of the stress:

• Follow a normal routine as much as possible.
  
• Eat healthy meals. Be careful not to skip meals or to overeat.
  
• Exercise and stay active.
  
• Help other people in your neighbourhood as a volunteer. Staying busy helps keep your mind off problems.
  
• Limit your time around the sights and sounds of what happened. Do not dwell on television, radio or newspaper reports on the tragedy.

At times, stress from natural disasters may be too much to handle alone. You should seek help from a family member or friend who will be able to assist you with the children or putting the home back on track. You may have to seek counselling from your pastor, an elder family member or counsellor if you feel overwhelmed with all that has to be done, if you feel if you need alcohol or drugs to get over your problems, or if you feel depressed and suicidal.

It will take time before couples start to feel better. You may feel so stressed that you start acting strangely with your friends and family. Over time, though, with loving support from your spouse and you returning it, you should feel better each day as your life gradually returns to normal.

Send feedback/comments to heatherl@cwjamaica.com.