'Lie-agra'

Lie-agra (Sin-denafil) relaxes or nullifies the mind's ethical programming and increases the blood flow to targeted areas of the body thus enabling the user to stand erect and spew lies, half-truths, evasive responses and innuendoes. Lie-agra eliminates all the usual signs and symptoms (physiological responses) associated with consciously practising deceit. It slows the respiration, calms the voice, slows the pulse rate, moistens the mouth, reduces the production of sweat, removes lumps from the throat, exterminates butterflies from the stomach and produces a 'poker face'.

The effects of Lie-agra are dose dependent - taking high doses enables the user to tell whoppers unabashedly and repeatedly while utilising the 'big lie' principle (a lie so audacious that people assume that it must be true). Taking excessive doses of Lie-agra precipitates recurrent bouts of lying. People taking Lie-agra are known to quickly develop dependency and even addiction (telling one lie to cover another).

Lie-agra isn't for everyone - if you are troubled by partial disclosures, if you are disturbed by convoluted mumbo-jumbo, if you have a properly functioning conscience or if you believe in openness and honesty ... do not take Lie-agra. If you care anything about the people who put faith in you, do not take Lie-agra. If you are concerned that your behaviour may influence the impressionable young, do not take Lie-agra. If there is a very good chance that future generations will remember you because of your use of Lie-agra, do not take it.

Irreparable damage

Using Lie-agra leads to tachyphylaxis (rapidly decreasing response to a drug or physiologically active agent after administration of a few doses) ... in other words, using Lie-agra rapidly diminishes its effectiveness and leads to the need for more frequent use in order to achieve the same effect.

Do not take Lie-agra if you have a 'good heart' as the drug may cause irreparable damage to that vital attribute. Other side effects of Lie-agra include - spontaneous and uncontrollable lying, permanent damage to your moral compass and conscience, loss of respect for yourself and others, rupture of your 'shame bag' and regression into covert indecency. Lie-agra can decrease blood flow to the optic (eye) nerve, causing loss of vision for the obvious deleterious effects of lying. Taking Lie-agra with alcohol increases its side effects.

One positive side effect is the enhancement of the short- and long-term memory. Researchers believe that this is in direct response to the need to recall every nook, cranny, twist and turn of the tangled webs that deceiving spins.

Lie-agra is not available by prescription (no health authority will approve its use anywhere in the world) but it is being obtained as an 'under the counter' drug. Ironically, its use is becoming pervasive, especially among several individuals entrusted with jobs that entail honesty and trust.

Lie-agra users and abusers share several other common characteristics - they are usually empowered people who have become accustomed to getting away with a host of wrongs for many years. These people have developed a warped sense of right and wrong and have become 'tunnel visioned' into seeing only what is in their best interest or in the best interest of others who can serve their best interest.

If you experience a knot in your stomach while taking Lie-agra, you may be having a 'conscience attack'. If you remain erect and spewing falsehoods for longer than four hours, seek emergency counselling as this can permanently damage any semblance of decency that you may have left.

Quitting Lie-agra requires a willingness to bare all and throw yourself on the mercy of the people who you hurt and disappoint.

Garth A. Rattray is a medical doctor with a family practice. Feedback may be sent to garthrattray@gmail.com or columns@gleanerjm.com