Doctor's advice: Older woman has her eyes on me

Q: I am a 17-year-old and I am a virgin. I do not have a girlfriend. In the last few weeks, a married woman who is a very good friend of my mother's has been taking an interest in me. She has made it pretty clear that she would be willing to go to bed with me. She is about 36 or 37, I think, and is still very attractive. Her husband is away a lot, so she is often alone during the day. She has no children. Recently, I have been doing odd jobs for her, in her garden and around the house. To be honest, I find her extremely attractive. Sometimes I think that I could marry her when I leave college. What I like about her is that she compliments me all the time, and says how handsome I am, and what a good body I have. She also says that I am intelligent, and could have a great career. The other day, she deliberately brushed her breasts against me as we passed in the corridor. Also, recently, she asked if I was a virgin. When I told her yes, she laughed and said: "Maybe I could help you do something about that!" What decision should I make, Doc? The worry is really getting me down.

A: This is a surprisingly common situation. Quite a lot of young men are initiated into sex by women who are considerably older than they.

I can see that going to bed with her is a very attractive prospect for you. To lose your virginity to a good-looking and experienced woman must seem a very pleasant idea.

And from what you say, there seems to be little doubt that this mature lady is more than willing to help you to have your first sexual experience.

However, I urge you to think about the possible consequences. Consider a few of the unfortunate things that might happen:

Her husband might find out, and may respond with violence towards you or his wife;

You might get this woman pregnant. I note that you said she has no children. Perhaps her husband is sterile and she sees sex with you as a possible route to having a child.

Your mother might discover that this liaison is taking place. You can imagine what a fuss that would cause, especially as you said she is a good friend of this woman.

So I don't think this affair is a good idea. My advice to you is to stop working at her house and garden. Don't see her anymore. Being in close contact with her will just make it more likely that she will seduce you.

It is clear that a lot of her appeal lies in the fact that she praises you. Apparently, no one else does this. It is obvious that your self-esteem is somewhat lacking.

Find a nice girlfriend whose companionship you will enjoy and who, I'm sure, will boost your self-esteem. That would be a much safer course than dreaming about wedding a married woman who is at least twice your age.

Q: I am very concerned about my menses. I am 19, and I have noticed that I seem to menstruate more often than my friends do. I have always understood that the periods should arrive once per month. But mine seem to come every two weeks or so. For instance, last month, I started a period on the first of the month. It lasted a week. Then I had two weeks with no bleeding. Then the menses started again on the 21st.

A: When you say that your menses come every two weeks, your calculations are not quite correct.

Like a lot of younger women, you haven't realised that what you must concentrate on is the date of the first day of the period. Last month, your menses started on the first day of the month. Then you had another period which started on the 21st of the month.

This means that your periods are arriving every three weeks, not every two weeks. So you have a 21-day menstrual cycle.

That isn't abnormal, even though most young women have a slightly longer cycle. The average is about 26 days, though a lot of women menstruate every 27 or 28 days.

I am a little concerned by the fact that, apparently, your menses last seven days. This is rather on the long side. That amount of blood loss could well make you anaemic.

I think you should consult a gynaecologist. She may well suggest that you go on a hormone preparation which would give you a much shorter, lighter period.

For instance, if she prescribed the Pill, you could have menses which came every 28 days, and which only lasted three or four days.

Q: Doc, I am a young guy and I am deeply concerned by the fact that sometimes my seminal fluid is lumpy. At other times, there seems to be grains of rice in it. But on other occasions, it's quite thin and weak-looking. Why does it vary like this? Do you think I have some serious disease?

A: No, I don't. A lot of young men fret about the appearance of their sex fluid, and the fact that it varies in appearance from time to time. In fact, this is normal.

Perfectly healthy males produce semen that is sometimes very fluid, and sometimes rather lumpy, with a 'rice grain' appearance. But these are not signs of disease.

Q: Is it possible to become pregnant through sperm landing on my clitoris?

A: No, unless the fluid somehow manages to run downwards and enter your vagina.

Q: I am a 20-year-old woman. After a recent bout of vigorous sex, I developed a urinary infection. My doc sent a sample of my pee to the lab. The result indicated E. coli infection. Is this very bad?

A: No, not at all. In fact, E. coli is actually the commonest of the germs which cause urinary infections in women.

Provided that your doc treated it with a suitable antibiotic, you should be fine.

Q: I am a university student, aged 20. Whenever I have to get up and speak, I get a bad thumping in my heart. Is this cardiac disease? I went to a doctor, but she told me no.

A: I am sure she was right. Doubtless, she examined you to make sure you are physically OK.

When people are in a nerve-wracking situation, they often produce too much adrenaline. This makes the heart beat very fast and very powerfully, so that there is thumping in the chest. Please see a university counsellor and discuss ways in which you can calm down when asked to speak.

Email questions and comments to saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com. Look out for another edition of Doctor's Advice in tomorrow's 'Outlook' magazine.