DOCTOR'S ADVICE: When the husband's away ...

Q My husband is away in England for several months. As a result of his absence, I have been getting frustrated.

You see, I have always been a highly sexed woman. And although our marriage has not been going very well in recent years, our sex life has remained very active. When he is here, we have sex around four or five times a week.

Now that he's away, I find myself deprived of that sexual satisfaction. As a result, I have had some very low feelings recently.

I do have a vibrator, which my husband bought me while we were on a trip to Florida last year. I use it from time to time, but it's not really a substitute for a man.

You can probably guess what all this is leading up to. Since my husband went to England, his brother has been, as he calls it, 'keeping an eye on me'. He does helpful jobs, picks me up when I am shopping at the plaza, etc.

He has been getting very friendly. In fact, last week when he dropped me off at my house, he actually kissed me goodbye - on the lips.

This has produced some disturbing emotions in me, Doctor. He is so much like my husband physically -tall and well built. And he is kind and thoughtful to me.

So I keep thinking about inviting him into the house and going to bed with him. I know this would be so satisfying.

My best friend thinks I should go ahead. She says that it would be OK to do it while my husband is thousands of miles away and that he would never know.

In fact, she suggested that my husband is probably doing the same thing with some English girl, or maybe more than one girl.

What do you think, Doctor? Should I let my brother-in-law have sex with me and ease my frustrations? I am pretty sure he would agree.

A I, too, am pretty sure that he would agree! But I am also pretty sure that this plan would be absolutely crazy.

For starters, do you have any idea what impact adultery has on a family? When people start sleeping with the brothers or sisters of their spouses, absolute chaos can result.

I have seen that lead to divorce, and even violence. So I beg you, do not let this thing with your brother-in-law go any further. You would be wise to cut off any social contact with him until your husband gets home. And do not get into situations where you are alone with him.

He has already kissed you on the lips. And he is probably wondering how far he can go when you next meet. So do not meet him!

I can understand that you are very frustrated. But, as you say, you do have a vibrator. Your husband bought it for you, so I imagine that he would have no objection to you using it on a regular basis. That is what I think you should do in order to relieve your current frustrations.

There is one other thing you could do, if you can afford it. It might solve a lot of problems if you emailed your husband and told him that you don't want to be without him any longer - and that you are coming to join him. Then fly to England, and spend the next couple of months with him.

It could be that a nice, romantic trip to London would be a good way of strengthening your marriage. Sounds like it has been a little shaky at times in recent years. And this might be just the thing it needs.

But at all costs, do not sleep with your brother-in-law. Ignore your best friend.

Q Doctor, I am a 42-year-old man and I have suddenly started passing blood in my urine. Is this a form of VD?

A No, it isn't. It could be just a urinary infection. But it could also be linked to some kind of growth in your urinary system, most likely in the bladder or one of the kidneys.

So see a doctor right away. You should take a specimen of your urine with your for him to test.

Q I have met a wonderful man who tells me that if I go to bed with him, I will not need to worry about contraception, because he had a vasectomy in America.

But how can I tell if he is telling me the truth, Doctor? Is there some kind of scar I could see?

A Well, if he really has had a vasectomy, there should be a little scar, or maybe two scars, on his scrotum. But vasectomy scars are so small that they are very difficult to see.

Unless he can produce some sort of written proof that he took that operation, I think you would be wise to take contraceptive precautions yourself.

Q Doctor, last month my husband said he was walking out on me. He stayed away for five weeks, but he has decided to return.

However, what he does not know is that the day after he left, I had sex with a much younger man. Happily, my monthly period did arrive in due course.

Is there any way that my husband will be able to detect my unfaithfulness when he returns?

A No, there are no physical signs which could give away the fact that a wife has been unfaithful.

Fortunately, it sounds like you are pretty certain that you are not pregnant by that younger man.

However, I think you should try to get yourself tested by a doctor, to make sure that you have not picked up any germs from this young man.

And as things have been so difficult in your marriage recently, why not encourage your husband to go with you to a good counsellor?

Q While on a visit to the Corporate Area recently, I had sex with a young 'professional' woman. If she had gonorrhoea, how long would the symptoms take to reveal themselves in me?

A Usually two to six days, but occasionally longer.

Q I used to have a regular cycle until 12 months ago, when I turned 32. In the last year, they have been arriving at all sorts of odd times and sometimes only a few days after the previous period has finished.

Is this menopause?

A No. There is something wrong in your womb or ovaries that is causing these very irregular periods. You must see a doctor right away for a check-up.

Please do not delay, because sometimes irregular bleeding in your age group can be serious.

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