Security, Obama and Paraprosdokian

Egerton Chang, Contributor

I have had the opportunity of examining many financial statements, particularly in the first six years after returning to Jamaica in 1974, having been first, a commercial credit officer at Jamaica Citizens Bank (JCB), and then a director/financial controller at the Industrial Commercial Development Group (ICD).

In that period, I recall, the cost of security was virtually non-existent, or barely enough to be classified as a distinct item rather than being included under miscellaneous. For example, security at the JCB head office at the corner of King and Port Royal streets was hardly more than two who were stationed at the entrances and who acted more as doormen/porters than as security.

Times have changed. Nowadays, even churches and schools have to employ security, and lots of them. At the preparatory school that my six-year-old son attends, my wife counted 11 security personnel. And that was what was visible from her car. There were bound to be three or four more that she did not see. How many more teachers could be employed for the cost of this security detail?

What is more debilitating is the additional time and money (time is money) we have to spend because of this problem. For instance, how much time is lost because we have to take our children to school and have to pick them up also? Lunchtime is often extended to two hours rather than the usual hour to accommodate this activity. Wouldn't we all feel better if we could feel comfortable with our children taking the public transportation (a different problem)?

I once met a lady security guard in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. And we got to talking. She was a Jamaican who had migrated a couple of years earlier. I asked her how she was finding her new home. She said things were hard and the wages were not high in relation to her new expenses, but she was making it. She admitted that she had not thought about her personal protection since arriving in the United States. I pointed out that the fact that she didn't have to think about her personal safety was worth something. She thought about it and replied: "You know, you're right." She said, "Even if only for the peace of mind, that is worth at least 10 per cent more."

Can you imagine the increase in productivity that could be had if we had peace of mind regarding our personal safety?

THANKS OBAMA

My predictions regarding the US midterm elections were just a trifle off. As forecast, the House did go to the Republicans, but also as predicted, the Senate remained in the hands of the Democrats.

CHANG CHANG ACTUAL

17/1019/1002/11

Senate

Dem - 515151

Rep- 474746

Indep- 222

Undecided-1

House

Rep - 234227239

Dem- 201208188

Undecided- 8

The prediction for the Senate was actually spot on. As for the one undecided senate seat in Alaska, the Republicans will win regardless of whether Murkowski or Miller wins. Bear in mind that my predictions were made more than two weeks before the election, and that I was unwavering in my Senate forecast.

The House forecast was basically correct except for the fact that I erred on the side of never anticipating an event that has never happened before, or at least since 1938. Since 1938, no party has picked up as many as the 60 seats gained by the Republicans in a mid-term election. This is unprecedented in living memory. Moreover, the Republicans can pick up three or four more seats when the dust has settled on the eight undecided House seats.

In a Senate election, where only a handful of pollsters hit the results on the head and where quite a few were even predicting that the Republicans could take control, my prediction must rank at the very top.

While in the House, even though I was a bit off, I would venture to guess that more than three-quarters of those seasoned political pundits were at least equally wrong.

I ventured into this prediction game to demonstrate that an intelligent observer could perform as well as, if not better, than those seasoned pollsters and political pundits.

Did I not prove the point? Again, I need to highlight that my predictions were made over two weeks before the actual elections.

PARAPROSDOKIAN

This is to introduce a word that is rather unheard of. A paraprosdokian (from Greek "beyond expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. Examples are:

1. "You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing - after they have tried everything else." - Winston Churchill.
   
2. "If I could say a few words, I'd be a better public speaker." - Homer Simpson.
   
3. "On his feet he wore ... blisters." - Aristotle.
   
4. "She looks as though she's been poured into her clothes, and forgot to say when." - P. G. Wodehouse.

Don't worry, I just learned this word recently when my first wife sent me an email enclosing some more examples. I found these quite amusing, and so I share a few with you:

1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
   
2.  Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
   
3.  The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it's still on the list.
   
4.  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright ... until you hear them speak.
   
5.  Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
   
6. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Perhaps you would send me your examples. They may be published next time.

Egerton Chang is a businessman who may be reached at e_rider69@ hotmail.com. Feedback may also be sent to columns@gleanerjm.com