Sticks and stones

Gordon Robinson, Contributor

Well, I've finally arrived. As predicted, I'm now on the long list of citizens abused by the current contractor general, Gregory 'Cowboy' Christie. I wrote (on Sunday, November 14: Calamity at Caymanas Track) "Why do I blaspheme against our national-hero-in-waiting, the contractor general? I recognise I'm begging for the usual stream of invective normally directed at anyone daring to be even mildly critical of his conduct, but such is life."

Cowboy Christie didn't disappoint. Both guns blazing, he attacked the messenger with his usual clarity and wit. And the media loved it. Did you see my photo splashed all over TVJ news? The Old Ball and Chain's brood were all excited "Daddy's on TV!" they exulted. Old B.C. wasn't quite so thrilled "For God's sake, when will you learn to write only nice things about people?" she complained. It didn't help to point out that I hadn't written about people but something else beginning with 'p', namely principle. "Why don't YOU write The Cowboy and tell him to say nice things about me?" I asked petulantly. She wasn't impressed.

What a performance! All the usual catch-phrases were trotted out. My name was everywhere. Why TVJ chose that God-awful photo, I can't say, but Old B.C. reminded me (with some relish) that no decent-looking photo of me exists. Fat, red and ugly, she emphasised, doesn't improve on film. But, still, I've never before received this level of publicity. I only pray that The Cowboy doesn't send me an invoice because, as an impoverished retiree, I can't afford to pay him for these PR services.

Way off mark

He was in his element. My article was "an excursion into falsehood and obfuscation". Wow! Next time, I'll remember not to set out my facts and law so clearly. It's obviously confusing. Sorry, Massa Christie, so very sorry. I'm "way off mark" and "unequivocally wrong in his interpretation of the law." TVJ news reported "Mr Christie pointed to a 1991 Supreme Court ruling which said: 'The ... act ... empowers the contractor general to monitor the pre-contract stages of government contracts'". proving, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was wrong to write: "Please, note the only action word relating to the contractor general is 'monitor'. His wide powers of access and to information are to further that duty - to monitor."

Once again, so velly solly, sah! Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

Again, based on the TVJ news report, "The contractor general went on to say Gordon Robinson would have the Jamaican public believe that a contract never existed between CTL and IMC. He said Mr Rousseau was asked to indicate whether a contract existed, but his office is yet to receive a response."

I suppose my attempt to convince the public that a contract NEVER existed was why I wrote, "One of the earliest actions by the board that replaced the Rousseau board was to sign the identical SportsMax/IMC contract...." Cowboy Christie now seems to be saying he didn't know whether a contract existed when he started his investigation.

Can't be trusted

Again, according to TVJ (I've not seen the five pages of detailed vitriol which, in any event, I'm too old and my dementia too advanced for me to absorb), The Cowboy says he asked Rousseau who hasn't answered. Why ask Rousseau? Based on Cowboy Christie's findings, his answers can't be trusted anyway. Why not ask CTL? And why investigate a contract you don't know exists and that didn't involve the award, by CTL, of anything to anybody?

Anyway, I really enjoyed the Cowboy's response. When I grow up, I want to be just like him - perfect in every way and incapable of simple human error. I'm reminded of another of my favourite cowboys, Mac Davis:

"Oh, Lord, it's hard to be humble

when you're perfect in every way.

I can't wait to look in the mirror

'cos I get better looking each day.

To know me is to love me.

I must be a hell of a man.

O, Lord, it's hard to be humble

but I'm doing the best that I can."

Anyway, I'm looking forward to my welcome party as the most recent inductee in a club known as T.A.C.T. (Those Abused by Christie's Textbook). I'm in hallowed company including Patrick Rousseau, the DPP, Gleaner Man of the Year Awardee, Christopher Tufton, every permanent secretary who ever filed a late return and, of course, Aubyn Hill. Am I also to be banned from all government boards? Please, sir. Pretty, please.

T.A.C.T.'s motto? "Sticks and stones ... ."

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Feedback may be sent to columns@gleanerjm.com