Let's talk life - Nurturing vs control

Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson, Contributor

• Nurturing vs control

Dear Counsellor:

I am a parent who is interested in learning parenting skills to rear a successful child.

- Juliana

Dear Juliana:

I am glad that you have asked that question, as most parents want to know how to rear successful children. The basic issue is that the parents should love and care for their children with consistency and discipline.

Parents should be good role models who nurture and care for their children. They should also teach and be models of self-control. Children need to learn to control themselves and to be empathic towards others. Children follow the adults around them and will copy their behaviour, whether good or bad.

There are three types of parenting: permissive, authoritarian and authoritative. The best is authoritative parenting, in which there is both control and nurturing. Celebrate your children and build on their strengths. They can't be good at everything, but they all have talents and need to have high self-esteem.

You are rearing individuals to be peacemakers who are kind, helpful and willing to give back to society. When the children are old enough, you should get them involved in extra-curricular activities that they like and are good at. During the commute, get in touch with your children and let them tell you about their day, as well as their concerns.

From infancy, you need to take your child to church and let him/her see you worship so that they can learn about God and how to behave responsibly. Teach your children moral values and let them learn to put their trust in God, who will guide them through you.

There is a radio programme that gets children to express their spirituality. Teach them when they are small and they will have something to rely on when they are alone and have to make decisions.

• Caregiver burden

Dear Counsellor:

My wife is suffering from depression and I think the stress is causing me to be depressed. I worry about her a lot, as she tends to be withdrawn. The children are concerned as she is not involved in their daily care.

- John

Dear John:

Any major illness in a family causes stress for all relatives. Caregiving is stressful, and sometimes one doesn't feel one's efforts are not appreciated. One has to accept that depression takes a toll on all family members and each member has to take care of themselves.

Sometimes, individuals start to get involved in risky behaviours because they are responding to excessive stress.

Talk to your children about the issues and encourage your wife to take her medication and continue with the counselling. Sometimes, the whole family needs to be in the counselling session. Depression is a family disorder, and relatives need advice on how to cope.

Spirituality is important, so you need to pray and have people praying for you. Life is full of problems, but we need to develop resiliency and learn to cope.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call her at 978-8602.