Miss Tazmin of Coronation Market

She was hardly likely to complain, but Miss Tazmin, a friendly vendor sitting on a bucket turned upside down in Kingston's Coronation Market, was having quite a hectic day when I paid her a visit, recently.

"I don't have hand fi sell! If mi nose start tickle, mi can't scratch it," she said, while making change for an elderly female customer standing in front of her.

"Mi will manage though, mi nuh want to go put mi goat mouth pon it and go cause problem," she said.

Now Coronation Market is known to be a busy place, but there was a special reason Miss Tazmin was doing particularly robust business that day.

"Is di sorrel, man. Di sorrel cheap still, so di people dem who used to it and know dat di price soon go up, start stock up on it from now," she said. It didn't hurt that the vendor was one of the first to start selling sorrel for the season.

Miss Tazmin handed a handful of coins to the elderly woman standing in front of her. The woman, who was dressed in all black, carefully examined the coins, mumbling calculations to herself before nodding and walking off.

Miss Tazmin took a deep breath and retrieved a red rag from her pocket. She used it to wipe beads of sweat from her forehead then whispered something that I couldn't make out.

I asked her how much the sorrel was going for.

"Well is $80 mi selling it for right now, but by next week things different," she said. "By closer to Christmas, the price reach almost $200."

I looked around at the crowd. Everyone was moving quickly and shouting.

Just then, two women walked up. They were both wearing slippers and seemed tired.

"How much for the sorrel?" the older of the two asked. She was sporting a cap with the words 'Sexy Girl' written on it.

Miss Tazmin quoted the price she mentioned earlier.

The women looked at each other and started talking it over, while Miss Tazmin looked up at them.

"Alright, give me a pound" said the cap-wearer.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see a short woman holding a brown box, standing inches from me.

"Peanut trash?" she said. I was unsure if she was asking if that was my name, or if she was inquiring whether I had any peanut trash I needed to discard.

"Peanut trash? It good fi di nerves," she said. I shook my head and she walked off.

"Peanut trash can use meck tea. It settle di nerves," Miss Tazmin said.

Shoe polish and 'woman business'

A man pushing a wooden cart on wheels dashed by me, missing my toes by mere centimetres. By the time I realised what had happened, he was long gone. A blue tarpaulin set up to keep out the sun just over Miss Tazmin's selling spot, was hanging low and kept falling on my head. I had to use one hand to hold it up while I stood there.

A dreadlocked man appeared next to me. "Shoes polish? We have Kiwi shoes polish," he said. I signalled that I wasn't interested and he sauntered off. The dreadlocked polish-seller didn't get more than five feet away before he had to make a quick jolt to the left to avoid being run over by a fast-moving woman holding a clear plastic bag full of unmentionables. "Woman business! Woman business!" she yelled. The polish-seller shot the woman a dirty look.

I turned back to Miss Tazmin.

"Di Christmas nuh look too bad mi friend. Times hard but people know dem get di best tings into Coronation Market, so we give thanks for di likkle extra crowd we getting," she said.

Where should Robert go next? Tell him at robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com

Feedback letters from readers of last week's edition of Roving with Lalah

Dear Robert,

You're absolutely a massively brilliant writer! Thanks for giving me such vivid pictures of your adventures. It's as if I'm actually home when I read your stories! (I reside in Canada).

- Tracy-Ann

Dear Robert,

Whoa, mi belly! I get a good good laugh tonight. Thank you so much.

- Drtweetybird

Dear Robert,

Mi a tell you Lalah a di best. He will mek you laugh 'til you cry. I always love to read his stories.

- steaddy200

Dear Robert,

This is so funny! The thing is, no matter how simple the dialogue, Lalah captures the unique essence of it. Not many people can do this.

- Suechel30

Dear Robert,

I really enjoyed this one ... my weekly medicine. Lalah, you are a great writer and the way you paint the various characters is very vivid, I can actually see everything. Keep them coming, my friend.

- embra10

Dear Robert,

You have me laughing all the way. Typical Jamaican attitude and reaction when they mess up on the job. Keep up your good work. I enjoy reading your articles.

- George

Dear Robert,

Hilarious! I could picture the commotion and jam clearly. You never disappoint.

- Ajant'a

Dear Robert,

Mi sey mi nearly dead wid laugh at work. Di people dem must think is mad mi mad. This is so funny.

- Sandriaf

Dear Robert,

Bwoy this one had me laughing; typical Jamaicans, not afraid to express them-selves. Robert, mi boss, looking forward to next week.

- Yardman

Dear Robert,

This is so funny. I love reading your articles. Whenever I read them I feel like I'm there with you, taking in all the excitement. Keep up the good work.

- Nettie

Dear Robert,

Thank God. My day is made. More time.

- Pumkin65

Dear Robert,

This is illegally funny. I was at work laughing away. Couldn't help myself. This is the funniest one yet!

- Da one yah