The Domino Awards (Int'l)

Gordon Robinson, Contributor

It's time for the second annual Domino Awards. This year, mainly due to The Gleaner's graven-image-style worship of word count, we're doing it in two separate sections. First, we'll hand out the international awards. Next week, the anxiously awaited local winners will be revealed. Remember these awards are mostly intended to be humorous so, for pity's sake, don't send me any pompous emails telling me how disrespectful I am to this or that iconic individual. I know.

Those of you suffering from sense of humour challenges, don't read these next two columns. Avert your eyes lest you should accidentally catch a serious case of the galloping giggles.

Off we go. Drum roll please:

The '(International) Dunce Award': Despite 2010 coughing up a myriad of contenders, former Delaware Senate candidate Christine 'I-am-not-a-witch' O'Donnell wins on a common canter. She broadcast an advertisement on YouTube in which (no pun intended) she delivers, in a simpering tone, the following: "I am not a witch. I'm nothing you've heard. I'm you." Previously (including notoriously on Bill Maher's 'Politically Incorrect'), O'Donnell had boasted that she "dabbled in witchcraft" although falling short of joining a coven. One of her first dates took place at a satanic altar. However, this same woman now claims she's a devout Christian; she's a stalwart and popular Tea Party supporter; and a strong conservative force in Delaware. I'm reminded of the legendary Monty Python cast's brilliant King Arthur skit:

"The Witch: I'm not a witch I'm not a witch!

Sir Bedevere: But you're dressed as one.

The Witch: "They" dressed me up like this!

Crowd: We didn't! We didn't...

The Witch: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.

Sir Bedevere: (lifts up her false nose) Well?

Peasant No. 1 : Well, we did do the nose.

Sir Bedevere: The nose?

Peasant No. 1: And the hat, but she is a witch!

Crowd: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!

Sir Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this?

Peasant No. 1: No!

Peasant No. 3, Peasant No. 2: No!"

Christine, if you walk like a duck; talk like a duck; and quack like a duck ... . Or, as The Dunce himself would put it, if a Macca, mek it jook yu ... .

The '(International) Dunce-Move' of the Year Award: The undisputed winner is Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmanutjob, for his incredible allegation at the United Nations that the United States attacked itself on 9/11. In a year in which faux pas from our own Manatt, Phelps & Phillips' saga achieved international renown, it's comforting to know that there's a more gaffe-prone world leader somewhere (over the rainbow?). Like Michael Jordan with foot-in-mouth disease, our friend Ahmadinnerjoke is unbelievabull!

Finally, there is a serious award this week.

'The International Personality of the Year':

Miguel Juan Sebastián Piñera Echenique, president of Chile, wins the 2010 award for his excellent leadership during the celebrated Chilean Miners crisis. The Harvard-educated Piñera, long-rumoured to be Chile's richest man, was an unlikely hero based on his personal history, which includes time as a fugitive from justice. In 1982, an arrest warrant was issued for him on charges of breaching Chile's banking laws. Eventually, the Supreme Court threw out the allegations. Piñera was acquitted and re-emerged from hiding. In 2007, securities regulators imposed a fine for insider trading. He denied the allegations, but didn't contest them in court, citing delays in the justice system likely to interfere with his planned 2009 presidential candidacy.

Instead, he resigned from the boards of the companies involved. Unlike many politicians, he's shown an atypical consideration for principle, voting "No" in the 1988 plebiscite on Augusto Pinochet's rule, but opposing Pinochet's 1998 arrest and detention in London, arguing that it was an attack on Chile's sovereignty and dignity.

As I've already mentioned in a previous column (see 'Those Plucky Chilean Miners', Gleaner, October 24), he was the 100 per cent owner of Chilevision, Chile's largest network but, to avoid conflict of interest, he reportedly sold Chilevision to Time Warner upon being elected president.

It's remarkable that a man of his background would have not only the personal compassion, but the political savvy and will, to commit every available national and international resource to a concerted effort to rescue 33 humble souls usually considered dispensable in his world. It was leadership of the highest quality, winning my vote for International Personality of the Year.

Here's hoping readers (both of them) have a peaceful and Holy Christmas and a Happy New Year when it comes.

Peace and love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Feedback may be sent to columns@gleanerjm.com.