More Domino Awards

Gordon Robinson, Contributor

It's home-grown Domino Awards time. Remember, hold onto your sense of humour to safely negotiate the roller-coaster ride.

The (Local) Dunce Award:

Inscrutable Minister of Waterless Housing 'O Ras' Chang, wins. While gallons of uncollected, unrestrained flood waters destroyed homes and lives, O Ras talk-show hopped defending his leader. His fawning was fruitless as no anticipated reciprocity materialised allowing Chris 'Turfturn' to subsequently hand him his rear-end on a platter.

O Ras appeared oblivious to the National Water Commission's (NWC's) casual dissipation of water being distributed to captive citizens by leaky or burst under and over-ground pipes. NWC is the world's only water authority with pumping stations rendered inaccessible by (guess what) too much water! Congratulations, O Ras, your name is constantly on people's tongues. "O Ras!" they cry, "If a drought, no water. If a flood, no water. If a macca, mek it jook you!"

The (Local) Dunce-Move-of-the-Year award:

Joint winners are Al 'Pal' Miller and Herro 'Hero' Blair who, contrary to their own faith's teachings, entered a fugitive's stronghold and begged (oops, sorry, 'negotiated with') him to surrender. The fugitive, under international indictment for gun/drug running, procured the building of booby-trapped barricades to kill any security personnel daring to enter that same stronghold so freely traversed by the dogmatic duo; was allegedly surrounding himself with gunmen to mop up after the booby traps; and, on whose behalf, white-clad women marched on the nation's Parliament screaming they would "die for Dudus". After embarrassing his Pal and Hero by spurning their polite offer to obey the law, the fugitive, using glasses and wigs to switch from Superdon to Cluck Kint (don't confuse your presidential vowels) or, maybe, Lois Tunnel, strolled out of Tivoli while his "defenders" died like flies.

If United States prosecutors' allegations are true, Click's a de facto terrorist but neither Pal nor Hero knows, one never negotiates with terrorists. Apparently, despite their extensive Bible studies, they haven't stumbled across the principle of righteousness. Hero and Pal, forgiveness is for those who seek it.

The next five Awards are for journalism:

The Beast Award:

First, a review. Remember, The Beast's nickname came from liking my sister, but being too shy to try to make her his 'beast' (1960s male chauvinist slang for 'sexy girl' or 'girlfriend'). The award in his honour goes to Lambert Brown, whose lust for the People's National Party (PNP) appears limitless, but who hasn't publicly declared himself. Have you joined up, Lammy? Tell us so we'll know from which end you're bowling. I'm reminded of a well-worn ditty from my kindergarten days (adapted):

"Lambert and Portia,

sitting in a tree,

k-i-s-s-i-n-g"

'A word to the 'wide': Lammy, to succeed in the opinion market, you ought to try selling customers an independent one. Skip the boring, boorish barfing of PNP dogma. Nevertheless, congratulations. Your efforts for the party have made you a legend in your own lunchtime.

The Dunce-Move-of-The-Year Award:

The entire press corps share this for allowing 'Driva' to frighten them away from his first Tivoli tour after the May slaughter. Dunceness is as dunceness does.

The Dunce Award:

For presenting caricatures of our most unappealing attributes as 'cultural diversity', Ragashanti can't lose. Look up 'diversity' Ragga (I know you can do it, you're a, PhD), it means variety not vulgarity.

Now, three serious Awards:

'Rising Star Journalist of the year': This 'new' award goes to Devon Hunter whose understanding, balance and scope of interest extend well beyond his years. Crucially, he's been exposed as a rare breed; someone with the ability and inclination to think, and to think independently.

Journalist of the Year:

An RJR staffer wins again. The dynamic DIONNE JACKSON-MILLER whose intensive research and preparation for every topic shows, and whose calm, rational demeanour when dealing with the most exasperating guest places her in local journalism's top echelon, wins the prize.

Personality of the Year:

KARL SAMUDA wins for a multi-faceted performance of the highest class year-round. As trade and industry minister, he has worked tirelessly to make business facilitation a priority, and effectively dealt with commercial banks' egregious exploitation of customers with characteristic aplomb. As Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) general secretary, his handling of the Manatt, Phelps & Phillips imbroglio established a manual on carrying water in baskets proffered by party leaders. Then, under personal pressure from what appeared a retaliatory attack, he delivered a political boxing lesson at the JLP elections, proving himself Jamaica's most savvy active politician. One thing's for sure, this is no wimp, lackey or yes-man.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney at law. Feedback may be sent to columns@gleanerjm.com