'Wrangelings' in Wonderland

Back in Wonderland, anothermad tea party was convened. But, this time, no tea. No Alice. No March Hare (Bruce was on the loose!). And no Mad Hatter (still sulking after his whipping by the Young Turk). Leona Golden, a character previously unknown to Lewis Carroll but recently invented for this modern version of his fantasy, was left in charge of the party. She was obviously confused about her role and issued invitations to the diplomatic corps. With apologies to the legendary Slinger Francisco for butchering his excellent lyrics:

"Brucey, my dear,

last night I hoped was you in here.

Where did you go?

Working for North East St Ann

missing out all de action.

My dear, do you know,

there was a girl in me living room

wearing nice shoes;

carrying de golden costumes

dipping in de golden legumes

I telling you true ..."

Leona invited a diplomat for tea, but served mainly talk and stale salad. She begged, "Please don't take Dudus!" But only a diplomatic silence ensued:

"He big just like you but younger

he t'ick jus' like you but stronger ..."

But still, Leona asked to keep Dudus. Without Dudus, she pleaded, there could be no peace. And one thing guys believe is everybody wants peace! Nobody wants war. There's never been a good war and there's never been a lasting peace. What we need is to make each peace last as long as possible! Leona said only Dudus could do that.

And so the mad tea party went on but no tea was brewed. Leona complained about the 'wrangelings' being carried on to take Dudus away. Too much suss. Too many whispers. Why won't anybody speak loudly? Her guest wouldn't speak at all. But Leona heard the whispers.

"Evidently

I've suffered great indignity

from this commoner.

Instead of being free in Kingston

she should be put in a dungeon on Tower

Street.

There was a girl in mi living room

enjoying the view.

Dis vicious, pernicious

scoundrel

linked to a foreign rangel

saw me through and

through.

There was a girl in mi

living

room.

Your input was overdue

and I'd hoped it was

you."

Tea party madness

What a diplomatic preckeh in Wonderland? Not even Alice's own mad tea parties with the same how-to-save Dudus agenda were so scattered, disjointed or senseless. At least Attorney General Alice's tea was well brewed, her guests local, like-minded and friendly, and her salads freshly made.

Across the dimensions, in Apocrypha, another Tea Party gathered to discuss legal remedies for breach of copyright. The Witch, convener of the conference, insisted that steps be taken immediately to obtain an injunction preventing the infringement of their patent. She even tried to cast a spell: "By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth," she chanted, "may the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak envelop these name stealers in Wonderland and throw them into electoral limbo. Never again must the name Tea Party be used by fantasising scandalmongers and conspiracy theorists. We are the only ones legally entitled to allege inane plots or to transfer birthplaces."

"Extradite Leona!" came the cry from the cheap seats.

"Yes, Leona must be brought to justice," said The Witch. "We must extradite her to the United States of Apocrypha and send her to a finishing school where she can be taught how to give interviews; how to entertain; how to brew a decent cup of tea and how to make a salad by herself. She must be sentenced to three years in the wilderness being lectured by fat Italian chefs so she can learn how best to use virgin oil."

Plea for leona

Oma D'unn, personal friend but political opponent of Apocrypha's minister of finance, R.U. Shaw, had crashed the meeting disguised as a hobbit. He put his hand up. "Yes, strange-looking hobbit in the back, you may speak!"

"Please don't extradite Leona," Oma pleaded, "she's our new best friend. What would we do without her? We've nothing new to offer. We just want our old jobs back. We can't trick people into voting out the Government without Leona. We'll write a song about her. We need Leona! We want Leona! We must have Leona! Please, Witch, we don't want justice, only Leona!"

This fantasy fades with my own cryptic tribute to the man Gene Autry dubbed J. 'Hog' Maxwell before transferring the nickname to me, who became (to him and many who came after him) G. 'Hog' Robinson. Don't ask me why. Ask Autry.

Goodnight, Johnboy. A luta continua. But in a different styleeee.

Peace and love.

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