Let's talk LIFE: She is 19 years old - with a problem ...

Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson, Gleaner Writer

Q I am a 19-year-old young lady who notices that each time I am having sex, I do not 'self-lubricate'.

Is there a problem with me? Or with my partner? Have you any explanation for this?

A Well, like a lot of younger women you have not realised that females often take some years to become really accustomed to sex, and to learn how to enjoy it.

For instance, I recently saw a patient who did not begin to self-lubricate until she reached the age of 25. But once her body had really started to respond to her husband's caresses, then she had no further problems.

A shrewd woman once said to me that female sexuality in the young is rather like a new car: you have to 'run it in gently' to start with.

Now, you are only 19. You probably have not been having sex for very long and it is likely that your genital organs are simply not yet used to the new experiences which you are having with your partner.

You yourself may be a little nervous, perhaps even a bit 'uptight'. In particular, you might perhaps be concerned about becoming pregnant. If you are not already doing so, you should take immediate steps to get yourself on some reliable method of contraception, such as the Pill. The knowledge that you are 'safe' would help to relax you in bed and make it easier for you to lubricate.

As to the question of your partner, presumably he is quite a young guy. Therefore, he cannot possibly have years of experience in how to turn women on and make them lubricate. That requires two skills:

Creating a relaxed and romantic atmosphere

Using techniques of love play that will make the vaginal juices flow

You may well wonder whether there is any medication that will help a woman to lubricate. The answer is that there is not. No one has yet invented a tablet which makes vaginal secretions increase.

However, as a temporary measure you can buy some pretty good artificial lubricants, and fairly cheaply too. Some pharmacies sell these, but if there is not such a pharmacy near you, you can buy them online. Reliable brands include K-Y Jelly, Astroglide, Senselle and Liquid Silk.

A major advantage of these lubricants is that they do not attack condoms! Unfortunately, some of the things which young people often use as lubricants, such as Vaseline jelly, make holes in condoms. Obviously, the result can be unwanted pregnancy.

I have no doubt at all that eventually you will be able to lubricate as much as you want to. But in the meantime, can I emphasise that it is of great importance that you and your partner practise 'safe sex'. Take care of your health!

I itch

Q I am a guy who has a very important concern. I have this itching problem on both sides of my groin. It itches very badly until I scratch it, and then it bleeds. This stains my clothes.

I was wondering if it is a rash, but it does not seem to get any better. I need advice on what it is, and possible treatment. Also, it is very near to my scrotum and affects that area at times.

A Do not fret. I am sure that all will be well. Obviously, I cannot see your skin, though you can send me a photo of it if you wish.

Nevertheless, I can tell you that in young guys, by far the most common cause of intense itching in the groins and near the scrotum is simply a fungal infection. Fungi love that area of the body because it is warm and slightly moist.

Also, the fact that Jamaica has a pretty hot climate makes conditions even better for fungi to thrive.

What you should do now is to buy a tube of anti-fungus cream from a pharmacy. Use it three times for the day, on the affected area.

Furthermore, it is very important that you dry this part of your body thoroughly whenever you have taken a shower. That is because of the fact that the fungus loves the slightest trace of moisture.

Please use the cream three times each day for 10 days. If at the end of that time there has not been a dramatic improvement, then you must see a doctor in order to find out if there is another problem. But, that is unlikely.

Going on the pill

Q I am female, age 20, and I am thinking of going on the Pill. But how do you start it, doc?

My mother has some idea that you have to begin it on the fifth day of the menses, but I have heard different things from other people.

A The modern way of starting your 'first-ever' pack of the Pill is to begin taking it on the first day of your period. If you do that, you will be protected immediately.

When your mother was young, women did start their first-ever Pill on the fifth day of menstruation, but we no longer advise that.

Dissed and confused

Q Doctor, I have a problem on which I need advice. I am only 15 years old and female, and I am a little confused. A couple of months ago I was dating this guy who would do anything for me.

But two months into the relationship he just suddenly did not have any time for me. He started to 'dis' me in front of my face. Then he broke up with me and went abroad.

Why did this happen? I just want to find true love.

A Poor you! I must tell you that you are being wildly over-optimistic in hoping to find 'true love' at age 15. Love does not usually occur at that age, and when it does, it rarely lasts all that long.

You have learned a tough lesson about males. Very often, they 'flit' from girl to girl, like a bee going from flower to flower. In their teenage years, they are notoriously fickle. Sometimes they will promise 'the moon and stars' to a young woman - and then fall for somebody else the next week.

Try not to feel bad about what happened. I suggest that it would be a good idea if you just avoided boys altogether for the next six months or so. Getting into intense emotional entanglements at your age can be a real bad idea. I wish you well.