Are my fantasies safe?

Q Doctor, I would be grateful if you could give me some good advice about my sexual fantasies. I am 34 and have been with my husband for over 12 years.

We still love each other, and I have never cheated on him. However, in the last few years our sex life has become a little boring. We always do exactly the same thing. We start with about two minutes of foreplay, then he puts me on my back and enters me, and then we do it for around five minutes.

At the end of that, he orgasms, and nearly always, I do too. But recently, I have sometimes found it a little difficult to 'get there'. So what I have been doing is fantasising during the last few minutes of intercourse.

You will probably disapprove of this, doctor, but I usually fantasise about famous male Hollywood actors, particularly young ones. There is one in particular, whose face and body I like to think about. I imagine that it is him I am having sex with and not my husband.

The effect of this image is quite dramatic. When I think of that star climaxing inside of me, that is always enough to make me go over the top and have an orgasm. Fortunately, I can nearly always do it more or less at the same time as my husband.

However, I am a little concerned about what is going on in my head, and the fact that I seem to be obsessed with this actor. Now I am starting to think of him all day long. I wish I could meet him, but I know I cannot.

To tell the truth, I am a little guilty about this fantasy. Also, I wonder if it could hurt me.

A Well, you are very far from alone in this practice. Several surveys in various countries have shown that around 60 per cent of wives do the same thing you are. When they are having sex, they sometimes dream about someone other than their partner.

Quite a lot of married men sometimes do the same thing while they are making love to their wives. So it is not just women who have these sexual fantasies.

On moral grounds, one can certainly criticise these fantasies. However, there is no doubt that for a lot of people, it fulfils a useful role. For instance, I have often seen female patients who have told me that they found it slightly difficult to get turned on without a little fantasy in their heads.

And quite a few wives like you, find it easier to orgasm if they think about someone very sexy. Fantasies are also useful for husbands who are finding it difficult to get an erection.

What do people think about in these fantasies? Studies have shown that the common dream objects are:

1. Famous film stars;

2. Famous sports personalities

3. Nice-looking people who live nearby.

So, with your dreams of a Hollywood screen idol, you are doing much the same thing as a lot of other wives. But can this sexual fantasising do you any harm?

Psychologists say that the main problem occurs if the woman keeps on fantasising about the same person. What happens then is that an image of the fantasy-man becomes what is called imprinted on the wife's mind. And the result of that is that eventually, she may find that she cannot orgasm at all unless she thinks about this particular man.

Therefore, I think that you would be wise to try and vary your sexual fantasies a lot more. You must try not to let yourself be obsessed with this film star! One useful trick is to fantasise about your husband when he was a young man - i.e. when you first met him. You could think about how attractive and sexy he was then.

Should you tell your partner about your fantasies? Some married couples do this, and get quite a thrill out of sharing their sexual fantasies. But that course is definitely not for everyone, especially as some husbands react very badly to being told that their spouse is imagining being with some other man.

Finally, I am concerned about the fact that you say that your sex life together has become boring and that it is always the same. These are feelings which you must discuss with your husband.

Could you get him to go with you to a good counsellor? If so, the counsellor could suggest ways in which the two of you could spice up your bedroom behaviour, and avoid monotony.

Q I am 44 years old and uncircumcised. Recently I have noticed a persistent 'sore spot' under my foreskin.

Is this serious, doctor?

A Frankly, it could be, though I hope everything is OK. You see, cancer of the penis can sometimes occur in uncircumcised men in your age group and older.

So please have this checked by a doctor right away.

Q Doctor, I have been unable to have children because of blocked tubes. Could this have been due to a chlamydia infection I had when I was younger?

A Could well be, although I am afraid that there is no way in which you can find out now. Chlamydia does often block the tubes, and so does gonorrhoea. Other germs can also cause the condition.

Q I reached menopause six years ago, but now my period has returned. Is this OK, doctor?

A Definitely not! These are not your menses. They are some form of abnormal bleeding, probably caused by an abnormality in the womb.

Looks like you will need a gynaecologist to examine you right away.

Q I am trying to lose weight, is it OK to eat okras, or are they fattening?

A Okras are pretty low in fat. So they will not make you gain weight.

Q My wife has been using some form of vaginal hormone cream. A friend told me I could absorb it from her during sex, and maybe turn into a woman.

Is this possible?

A No, but there is just a little truth in what your friend says.

Quite a few women use female hormone creams in order to keep the vagina supple and moist. They are women who have reached the menopause, or are just approaching it.

It does sometimes happen that a man absorbs the hormone through his organ, while having sex with the woman. The result can be that he develops very small breast swellings.

But it is simple to prevent this from happening. Your wife should simply avoid inserting the cream during the few hours before you have sex.

Some women make a practice of putting in the cream at breakfast so that there will be little chance that it will come into contact with the husband.