Let's talk life: Making marriage work

Dear Counsellor:

I got married in 2010 and would like to make a success of my marriage and would love to have children.

- Janet

Dear Janet:

Marriage is a good thing and was ordained by God. We all have high expectations for success. It is good if both partners are devout Christians who see each other as a helpmate and are committed to God and to each other. In relationships, there can be disputes and conflicts, but each person has to agree to be respectful to each other. Anger is a natural path of life and we need to be in control of our emotions. Self-control and self-reflection are vital in the management of our relationships. You need to know your trigger points and hot spots. Partners like to bait each other and shoot at the Achilles heel. Cursing each other is not good and many times it leads to psychological, emotional and verbal abuse. The silent treatment and withdrawal of sex are not good ideas unless it is for a good reason. One needs to safeguard one's health and needs time out from a conflict to recoup and to reflect.

Keep these ideas in mind and practise them. Some people say the sun should not set on your anger. Practise deep breathing and distraction to help you regain control of your speech and behaviour.

Child rearing is good news. To get pregnant you must be having sex at your most fertile period. You should be taking your vitamins and minerals and get a pre-pregnancy check-up by your doctor. You need to put financial plans in place to deal with the expenses that will arise. There are various saving programmes that you can look at and choose one that is suitable to you. Both of you need to plan your life together and make good use of opportunities.

__________________________

Daughter addicted to computer

Dear Counsellor:

My adolescent daughter is always upset with us and spends a lot of time on the computer. She is doing poorly in school and get tearful easily. I think she is addicted to the computer.

- Monique

Dear Monique:

Computer addiction is getting quite common. Children are very addicted to the social-networking sites. They stay home and spend the entire day on the computer. They are not socialising with their peers as they used to because they have to be on the computer. No homework is being done. They are not reviewing their work.

Take your daughter to the psychiatrist for an evaluation. There may be an element of depression. Certain skills need to be taught to your daughter as well as trying to understand what is going wrong.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call her at 978-8602.