Cupid's disease

It's Valentine's Day again, and the commercialisation that surrounds the event, which was set in motion as soon as Christmas Day passed, is now in high gear. The usual items associated with Valentine's Day have been flying off the shelves. Romanticism, sometimes real and sometimes feigned for ulterior motives, is in full stride. Spouses, prospective spouses and dear friends exchange gifts and pleasantries; and hitherto dying relationships are being resuscitated - even briefly.

Valentine's Day is supposed to be the commemoration of the life of St Valentine who, it is said, died on February 14, 269. He is credited with defying Roman emperor Claudius by secretly performing marriages for young male soldiers who didn't want to leave their spouses. For that, Valentine was sentenced to death. It was also claimed that he miraculously restored the vision of the blind daughter of a jailer.

Then there is Cupid (Latin for 'desire' - cupido). A winged mythological creature said to be the son of the god of war, Mars, and the goddess of love, Venus. As the god of love, affection and erotic love, he is always depicted bearing a bow and arrow - a weapon, but it shoots arrows that imbue 'love' in those that it strikes.

What's in a name?

With all this talk of Valentine and Cupid and love, you would think that 'Cupid's disease' is when one becomes lovestruck. However, on the contrary, Cupid's disease has quite a few pseudonyms - social disease, Venus' curse, dose, clap, Cupid's itch and many more. In other words, Cupid's disease refers to any sexually transmitted infection.

They were once called VD (venereal disease - for the goddess of love, Venus). However, since sexual intercourse is often mechanical, empty and totally loveless (even though the act is sometimes euphemistically called 'making love'), the term was changed to STD (sexually transmitted disease).

But, because whenever people become infected (say, with something like HIV), they experience absolutely no symptoms and exhibit no signs for perhaps many years (that's what makes it so sneaky and dangerous), the terminology was changed to STI (sexually transmitted infection), since 'disease' means 'not at ease', or uncomfortable/ill, and infections can remain subclinical for a long time before the individual knows that something is amiss.

No real love

Obviously, many of our romantic problems arise because sometimes, there is no real love in relationships. There is a lot of 'like', lust and possessiveness, but real love is uncommon. Consequently, whenever coitus (copulation) takes place, instead of intimacy, there is often what I call, inter-messy (a messy relationship in which sexual intercourse takes place devoid of love).

Intimacy does not have to always involve sexual intercourse; it can be the result of the affection that two people have for one another, or the expression of the affection that two people have for one another. If such affection culminates in sexual intercourse then, under the right conditions - like a stable relationship with much more than a transient physical attraction or some selfish reason - it can be a wonderful thing. And, ironically, sometimes if you truly love someone in whom you are interested, you will abstain from sexual intercourse because of the attendant emotional and possibly physical ramifications of the act.

Tina Turner's most successful single asks, "What's love got to do with it?" The reply is, "Oftentimes - absolutely nothing." However, if we strive for true love, we will not experience Cupid's disease and there will be no 'inter-messy'; instead, there will be fealty and the ultimate satisfaction that physical and emotional bonding brings with intimacy.

Garth A. Rattray is a physician with a family practice. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and garthrattray@gmail.com.