Sex and Relationships: Sex literature

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

For some persons, the only lesson they received on sexuality was about the 'bird and bees'. Even as adults they are not given factual information. It is said that information is power, so the more knowledge you have about sex, the better you will be able to command your sex life to give you the satisfaction you and your partner need.

Sex education is never static, so you should always be looking for tips to expand your sexual relationship.

Your sexual prowess is boosted by your confidence, self-esteem and optimism, all of which are enhanced well-rounded sexual knowledge. Even if you are wealthy, good looking and generally doing well in life, if you are not good in bed, your partner will consider you a loser and may even start to look elsewhere for sexual satisfaction. Good sex is one critical component of a successful marriage, so sex books for couples are available to help you improve your sex life.

Sex positions

Sex advice books provide diverse information and include everything from sex tips and techniques, to positions, edible delights and suggestions on how to delve into each other's erotic psyches. Sex books provide motivation, support, and guidance to deepen your sexual bond. Very often, after couples commit to each other and the excitement of courtship dies, the intimate part of their lives become dull and boring.

Books on sex will give you the confidence with your spouse to find how and what you can do to satisfy each other. Apart from improving your information base, these books make excellent gifts for your partner as the advice they contain is relevant to any relationship. About.com: Marriages provides some helpful guidelines in choosing sex advice books.

1. Do not just buy a book on sex

It is not advisable to buy a book to improve your partner's sexual prowess without first talking about it. Giving the book cold turkey could make matters worse in the bedroom. As you talk, listen carefully to what your spouse is saying and as you respond, express your own feelings by using 'I' statements.

2. Know why you want to buy a sex advice book

Do you want it for information, new ideas, entertainment or inspiration?

Do you want to improve sex communication with your partner?

Do you want to explore the sexual likes and differences between you and your partner?

Do you want to learn more about sex in general?

Do you want to know how to handle sexual dysfunctions?

3. What do you look for?

Check on illustrations and pictures. If they are too explicit, it will become a pictorial and will not be read.

Ensure that the book has a good index and bibliography as it will be easier to read.

Established, well-recognised authors are more likely to give reliable, up-to-date information.

As such, you should be better able to select the book to suit your needs.

The Kama Sutra is an ancient Indian text widely considered to be the standard work on human sexual behaviour in Sanskrit literature written by Vátsyáyana. This book is a must-have as it is comprehensive enough with a portion of the work dedicated to practical advice on sexual intercourse. Written in prose, with many inserted anustubh poetry verses, the Kama Sutra is easy to read. 'Káma' means sensual or sexual pleasure, and 'sátra' literally means a thread or line that holds things together, and more metaphorically refers to rules or formula in the form of a manual. Tried and tested, The Kama Sutra is the oldest and most notable compendium collected into its present form in the second century.

The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Anne Semans and Cathy Winks is a fun, non-judgmental sex manual you must have in your collection. It is the same book that has been called the Joy of Sex for the 21st Century. It is a book that provides easy reference on a range of topics - from vibrators and strap-ons to sex talk and cybersex. Its 325 pages is a must-read for all sexual adventurers. (Silverberg, About.com Guide)

The Art of Sexual Ecstasy is a classic western look at Tantric sex if you want to explore the spiritual side of sexuality. Written by Margo Anand, the book provides a thorough perspective on everything from the theory to the practice in areas like sexual positions, the importance of breath and communication, making time for each other and masturbation.

The Guide to Getting It On, which has sold over 600,000 copies since 2007, provides a difference in its approach and content. This comprehensive guide of 854 pages, written by Paul Joannides, is neither medical nor political. It is a sex manual that celebrates individual differences in the expression of sexuality. The guide offers readers something no other book can, that is, an appreciation of the healthy variety of sexual expression and an understanding that our differences may not be nearly as great as our similarities when it comes to sex.

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For persons who live with disabilities, chronic pain, and illnesses and everyone having sex with them. It covers similar territory as the Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, but does so from the vantage point of people living with disabilities and chronic illness. Sex tips and techniques are combined with ways to deal with pain and fatigue, mobility issues, and other obstacles. From sex positions to Tantric and sadomasochism, the guide is sexually explicit. An extensive collection of resources at the end of the book and quotes from persons living with a wide range of disabilities make this a great resource. The book is co-authored by Cory Silverberg.

Under the Covers: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex (But Didn't Know to Ask): Dirty Words: A literary of Encyclopedia of Sex, 304 pages by Ellen Sussman. Magazines provide useful information as found in Oprah's Reading Room. According to a review by Cathleen Medwick, "Orgy is a word that fills your mouth like a wild oyster that's just a little too big to (comfortably) swallow." That's one of many juicy - or unpalatable, depending on your point of view - revelations in Dirty Words: A Literary Encyclopedia of Sex, edited by Ellen Sussman. This compendium of highly personal definitions runs the gamut from A, adultery to W, wet dreams, and includes stories and essays by the likes of Joshua Furst (cybersex), Patricia Marx (vibrator), and Elissa Schappell (exhibitionist). Among the stellar celibates listed under C, celibacy: Isaac Newton, Carol Channing, Antoni Gaud', and Sigmund Freud, who swore off sex from about the age of 41. This little book of predilections would have knocked him off his couch.

Sex advice books come in many forms, some providing humour while educating. Several sites provide purchase details for books. Your local book shops stock books with sound sex advice so add sex books to your reading collection and benefit from new sex knowledge to wow your partner.

send comments/fedback to: heatherl@cwjamaica.com.