Crazy Jamaicans

Leading psychiatrist Fred Hickling and psychologist Vanessa Paisley recently concluded that 40 per cent of our population suffer from some form of personality disorder. Since then, in many of my encounters with others, I've tried to decide who was the crazy one. If nearly half of us are suffering from a personality disorder, in any random encounter between two Jamaicans, one is likely crazy.

I tended to turn out to be the crazy one in my experiments, so I expanded my subject group to include other Jamaicans, so as not to expose myself and this revered publication to a libel suit, I must remind readers that the views expressed herein are merely the opinions of one lowly columnist. If that little disclaimer fails, though, I'll simply plead insanity.

So, who (if either) is crazy?

Prime Minister Bruce Golding vs Jamaica Labour Party leader Bruce Golding

The prime minister contends that it was the JLP leader who authorised the hiring of Manatt, Phelps & Phillips to oppose the extradition of reputed Tivoli don Christopher 'Dudus' Coke. The PM organised a commission to explore the veracity of that contention. The JLP leader recently expressed discontentment with grandstanding on the part of opposition representatives before that commission. This, despite the fact that it was the JLP leader's close friend - the PM - who was the chief architect of the entire charade - bleachers, grandstand, and all.

To make matters worse, the law firm at the centre of this sordid affair cannot send a representative to testify as to who hired it because whoever did, as its client, is owed the privilege of confidentiality. The JLP leader seems willing to waive said privilege, but the PM - on the basis that his government is not the client - certainly won't. Perhaps after the enquiry closes we will have sufficient information to determine who hired the firm and who can rightfully waive the privilege so that the firm may testify as to who hired it. Result: This is pure madness!

Vybz Kartel vs Carolyn Cooper

Vybz Kartel is no stranger to controversy, but his latest embroilment is bordering on insanity. A public figure embracing something as ridiculous and divisive as skin-bleaching may signal that he has a few screws loose. In a recent interview, the deejay - regularly referring to himself in the third person - opined that people are like sheep and Vybz Kartel is the shepherd. Anything Vybz Kartel commands, they will obey. Vybz Kartel is right. From his music to his rum, from Clarks shoes to cake soap, whatever the artiste touches 'sell off'. And now, at the request of University of the West Indies professor and fellow Gleaner columnist Dr Carolyn Cooper, Kartel will be touching the lecture circuit - appearing at University of the West Indies tomorrow night.

It's not so crazy that Professor Cooper invited the deejay to guest-lecture. After all, she is a professor of cultural studies and Kartel presents as the most salient case study of Jamaican popular culture today.

What is crazy is Professor Cooper's continued insistence that Jamaican boys - who drastically trail girls in literacy - should be taught in what she calls their 'mother tongue' - Patois. This expedient and defeatist idea, if ever implemented, would result in our young men falling even further behind in this globalised market-place. Mi nah've nutten 'gainst Patois, but there is a time and place for everything. In classrooms in Singapore, Malaysia, and Barbados, 3 + 3 will always equal 6. Who knows what tree + tree amounts to? Trees? Forest? Result: Some might argue that Kartel may be the crazy one; I am inclined to disagree.

Audley Shaw vs Omar Davies

When the People's National Party and its finance minister, Omar Davies, departed office in 2007, they left the people of Jamaica a parting gift - nearly $1 trillion of debt. Not to be outdone, the current finance minister, Audley Shaw, has, in a mere three years, catapulted that burden to roughly $1.5 trillion (and counting) - with few growth prospects in sight. Result: these two angels of debt appear to be suffering from the same obsessive-compulsive debt disorder.

All this craziness is driving me crazy. Perhaps I need to attend the lecture at UWI tomorrow night to clear my mind. Prof, 'ow much a clock mi artis' a come on? An 'ow much fi get een?

Din Duggan is an attorney who now works as a consultant with a global legal search firm. Email him at columns@gleanerjm.com or dinduggan@gmail.com, or follow him at facebook.com/dinduggan and twitter.com/YoungDuggan.