DOCTOR'S ADVICE - What happened at the hen party

• Q Doctor, I am 26 and a virgin. I would like your fatherly advice about something that happened to me recently in America. I went there to visit with a good friend and her sister was getting married. So all us girls went out on a hen night celebration. There were around 50 of us, and the bride-to-be had booked a private room at a nightclub. We all had a lot to drink and I am not used to that. Well, halfway through the evening, a male stripper came on to the dance floor. We were all whooping and yelling as he took off his clothes. I was a little shocked to see that he had an erection.

I am really ashamed of what happened next, Doc. He danced around among the audience, inviting all the women to touch him. Some of the women actually took him in their mouths. I did not do that, Doctor, but my friends urged me to kiss him intimately, and I am afraid that I did that. I would never have done such a thing if it had not been for the effect of the drink.

But now I am really fretting about whether this experience could have given me some infection. Please tell me if I could have caught any kind of sexual infection from this man. I dread the idea that I may now have got HIV.

A. I am not very surprised by your story. Over the last few years, in the United States of America, and in certain other countries, there has been a tendency for hen parties or bachelorette nights to get rather badly out of control. This is clearly due to the affects of alcohol, and often to other drugs as well.

There are now hen party websites on the Internet which show films of large numbers of young women behaving in an absolutely crazy way, as they get more and more excited. Quite often, females who presumably lead respectable lives during the day are shown indulging in such activities as oral sex with male strippers, while their friends cheer them on.

Clearly, that is what happened here. Some of the young women at this function seem to have given the stripper fellatio, which means taking the male organ into the mouth.

From your account, it doesn't seem as if you went that far. You seem to be saying that you just touched him with your lips, but went no further. If that is the case, then I feel you have nothing to fret about. Admittedly, it has been shown that fellatio carries a risk of transmitting HIV and gonorrhoea. But the risk from just kissing the man on his organ are absolutely minute.

Technically, it is just possible that such an activity could pass on some sexually transmitted infection, such as herpes. But the odds against that happening must be hundreds to one. So I really do not think you need worry that your health has been affected by this episode. And I am sure that if you attend any further hen parties you will make sure that you do not have too much to drink, and that you do not get involved in any activities which you would regret.

• Q. My wife, who is 44, puts in her HRT cream just before we have sex. Is this OK, Doctor?

A. No, it isn't. Hormone replacement cream is real good for treating dryness of the vagina in women who are approaching menopause or who have passed through it. But if the cream is inserted just before intercourse, the guy may absorb it. The result can be that he develops small breasts. Therefore, please ask your wife to administer her cream much earlier in the day. Then there will be little danger that you absorb it.

• Q. I am woman aged 33, and I have one of those contraceptive implants under the skin of my upper arm.I am fed up with it, Doc! I am tempted to take a little blade and slit the skin, so that it will come out. Would this be safe?

A. No, it would NOT. There would be considerable danger of bleeding or infection. If you really have had enough of your contraceptive implant, then you must find a doc who is trained in the safe removal of these devices.

• Q. My wife and I have been trying for a baby over the last three months, but no luck so far, Doctor. What is the best time of the month to try?

A As a rough guide, it is a good idea to try 14 days before the woman's menses are due. But you can pinpoint the ovulation day more accurately by buying an ovulation kit from a pharmacy. Also, a doc who is interested in fertility problems could teach your wife and yourself about other methods of determining her fertile time.

• Q. I am woman aged 35 and I have fallen in love with a man who is much older than me. Is it possible that we could have a baby despite his age? He is 66.

A. Many men s in their 60s become fathers, and so do some men who are over 70.

• Q. I am a man aged 24 and seven years ago I had a brief homosexual experience. Since then, I have regularly dated girls, and I am very attracted to women. I would like to get married and have children. But do you think that I am secretly gay, Doc?

A Research has shown that many males go through a brief homosexual or bisexual phase in their teens. It sounds as though you have passed through that period, and are mainly heterosexual now. But if you still have any feelings for men, I would advise you to find a good counsellor, and talk matters over with him or her.

• Q. I am a 28 year-old woman and last month I had rather a lot of sex with a man who was visiting Port Antonio. Since then, I have had a certain amount of discomfort in passing urine, plus a need to rush quickly to the toilet when I have to pass water.  Is this serious?

A It is probably just cystitis, which is an inflammation of the bladder. Please take a specimen of your urine in a clean container to a doc, so she can test it for germs. It would also be a good idea to have a test for chlamydia, since that is so often passed on through sex these days.

• Q. I am a 34-year-old diabetic and my foreskin has become really sore and crusty. Why?

A. This is due to the frequent passing of sugar in your urine over the years. That may have encouraged a yeast infection in the foreskin. See a doctor and he will probably give you some anti-yeast cream. It is just possible you might need to take a circumcision.

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