Let's talk LIFE: How do I deal with my teen daughters?

Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson, Gleaner Writer

I am a single parent of two teenagers. They are very difficult to take care of. They do not like to do chores, and like to socialise with their friends on the Internet. They are doing poorly in school. I need help to parent them.

- Marcia

Dear Marcia:

Parenting can be stressful at the best of times. Do not despair, as many parents are facing the same problem. It would be good if you could take them both to counselling. Teenagers feel that they know everything, and that parents do not understand them. Many of them lack focus, and like to waste time with friends on the Internet, which is an addiction for some students.

You need to have enforceable rules with respect to the Internet and the television: No Internet until the grades have improved. Television is only for the weekend. The telephone is off-limits until chores are completed. Telephone is for five minutes each day if at all.

All chores must be completed before socialising. Speak with the teachers at school to identify the academic problems that they are having. They may need extra lessons in certain subjects. Ensure that homework is completed every day and some reading is done each evening.

Role models important

Children need role models. If you have a brother or uncle who can act as father figures for the teenagers, then allow them to help you. Church brothers or co-workers can act as mentors to your teenagers. Get them involve in some school clubs, as this will make them more rounded persons.

There are some things you can implement right away and others you can do with the help of others. The therapist will do psychological evaluation and educational assessment as to their strength and weaknesses. This will determine whether they have learning disabilities or attention deficit disorder or something else. We will need to search for drug use or other risky behaviour.

How do I cope with my mother's murder?

Dear Counsellor:

My mother was shot and killed by unknown assailants about two months ago. I am still crying and feel confused. It seems so senseless. Every day I keep reliving the events before and after. I do not know how I am going to cope.

- Angela

Dear Angela:

You will survive the murder of your mother. You need to see a therapist to help you cope with what has happened. Now you are grieving, but you might develop depression or post-traumatic stress disorder. A therapist will help you analyse your feelings and your coping capacity. Death of love ones is the most painful experience that humans can experience, and they have the rest of their lives to deal with it.

Keeping a journal and writing your feelings and daily experiences will provide an outlet for pent-up feelings. Writing poems, songs and stories as well as plays can be avenue of release for anger and sadness. Writing letters to your mother telling her how you are feeling can also help. Use a scrapbook to keep personal items like photographs, cards and small items. On the days that you feel worse, you can look at them and remember the pleasant memories you shared with her.

Grieving is lifelong as the memories will always be there. Keep remembering the good times you share. Build pleasant memories with family, friends and co-workers.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.