Let's talk Life

Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson, Contributor

Messy divorce,  custody battle

Dear Counsellor,

I am in the throes of a messy divorce. I would like to get custody of our three children. My husband is saying that I am an unfit mother and I cannot support our children.

- Marie

Dear Marie,

As you may now realise, divorce is a very stressful situation. Both parties will accuse each other of things that are untrue. The objective of divorce is to destroy the opponent and come out the victor. Many couples try mediation before they go to court. The court system is adversarial and each person wants to get the upper hand. In the custody battle, the issue is the best interest of the children. Many times, the children are traumatised because of the conflict, and will need counselling to deal with the trauma.

You will need the support of family, friends, lawyer and therapist. The stress may cause you to have sleep and appetite problems. You may become depressed or anxious and will require treatment. Divorce is not the end of the road for you, but it is painful. Keep to your routine and let the children follow their usual activities as best as possible. Sometimes the children are caught between each parent as they do not want to appear disloyal to each parent. The needs of the children have to be taken into consideration.

To keep the children, you will need to have a job and be in good health. When the custody issue is settled, both parents will have to be cordial to each other for the sake of the children.

My three-year-old is not communicating

Dear Counsellor,

My three-year-old daughter is not talking and the doctor said she has speech delay and referred her to the speech therapist. She was assessed for autism, but did not meet the criteria for it. I am concerned about it.

- Sheila

Dear Sheila,

Communication disorders are not rare and children have a range of problems. Some children may understand instructions, but cannot reply. Some children may point to things that they want or take the hand of a parent and touch whatever they want.

Children who are autistic tend to have communication problems of varying degrees. Speech therapy is good for children as it helps them to speak and use language.

Abusive boyfriend?

Dear Counsellor,

I am involved in a relationship for the past year and I feel that my boyfriend is abusing me psychologically and emotionally. He calls me some derogatory names and withholds sex whenever we have a quarrel.

- Lauren

Dear Lauren,

I must sympathise with you. The games that people play with each other can be destructive and demoralising. Sometimes people are in competition with each other. Some people feel that to gain the upper hand in a relationship, they should shame or disgrace the partner. Sometimes the behaviour is so entrenched in the individual that it is difficult to change it. Seeing a therapist is a good idea. You should keep a journal of the events. This will give you ammunition to discuss the issues. You need to confront your partner about his behaviour towards you. You also need to assess your response to him and don't play the victim role. You need to assert yourself and confront the issue whenever he is being abusive. Speak to him about his behaviour when you are having a peaceful discussion.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.