Jerked up in Manchester

It was on the outskirts of Christiana in Manchester that I met Jerky, the farmer. A friendly fellow he is, to be sure, but my first encounter with the unassuming 78-year-old left me shocked, scared and more than a little bewildered. You'll understand why in a bit.

Jerky is, you may recall, the goodly chap who some weeks ago afforded me a look at an oddly-shaped yam a friend of his had dug up from his backyard. The yam, they said, looked like a praying Rastafarian. But it wasn't the yam that left me feeling bothered. It was instead, a conversation I had with Jerky that was the real hair-raiser.

It was still morning when I arrived at the small shop that Jerky owns. He wasn't there. Inside were two elderly women. One had wide hips and wore white sneakers. The other was shorter and had about four wooden clothes pegs attached to her skirt.

I greeted them both and let them know I had come in search of Jerky.

"Him nuh deh yah," said the taller of the two.

I asked if they had any idea where I would be able to find him.

"Jerky deh ah grung dem time yah," the woman said.

"Heng on meck mi call him," said the other.

She dipped into the pocket of her skirt and retrieved a cellphone.

After a few taps, she put it to her ear.

"Jerky-oh!" she yelled, louder than I expected.

"One gentleman is here to yuh."

I smiled at the other woman who was by now looking me up and down.

"Ah seh a gentleman is here to yuh!" The woman on the phone was getting louder.

"How mi fi know dat? Him ongle seh him is here to see Jerky. Nuh you name Jerky?" she shouted.

I was uncomfortable with the discontent my visit appeared to be causing.

The woman on the phone looked at me.

"No sah, him caan do yuh noting," she said.

I wasn't sure how to take that.

A couple seconds later she was off the phone. "Him is coming," she said.

The two women then retreated through a back door and left me alone in the shop. It wasn't the most well-stocked shop I've ever been in, but it did have a few of life's necessities, like noodle soup mix and strawberry syrup.

I walked over to the door and looked outside. A man wearing sunglasses, a cap and waterboots was climbing the hill on his way to the shop.

"Howdy do?" he said, taking the glasses from his face.

I greeted him and asked if he was Jerky.

"Ay," he said, nodding.

He and I walked into the shop where he showed me the strange-looking tuber. But as we sat around talking, the conversation took an unexpected turn.

"Mi go through whole heap ah something in life, yuh know," he said.

I asked him what specifically he was talking about.

"More time when people hear dem ting yah, dem nuh believe, but true mi live it, mi know is true," he said.

sudden illness

Jerky went on to tell me that when he was much, much younger he was suddenly and inexplicably struck with a mysterious illness.

"Nobody don't know what it is. No doctor, nobody," he said.

He said the illness left him with terrible stomach pains and a huge, swollen mid-section. Also, there was a loud, rumbling noise in his head.

"Is like something fly into mi ears and in deh ah move round move round," said Jerky.

To make matters worse, Jerky, while running through some bushes stepped on an insect his grandmother always warned him to avoid. He couldn't recall the name of it. "Di whole ah mi foot swell up," he said.

Trouble appeared to be attacking poor Jerky from every angle. He said that one evening while laying in bed alone, he received a vision.

"Mi see a man and di man tell me to go such and such a place and ask for a Mr Johnson," said Jerky.

The next morning Jerky got dressed and headed to the place identified by the man in his vision. It turned out to be a church on top of a hill.

"When mi go mi see a man dress in full white and mi go to him and ask for Mr Johnson. Him stop me same time and say him know why I was there."

Jerky described a bizarre episode in which he became the centre of the church service. He was splashed with water, lifted, tilted and sent on his way.

"When mi walking home mi get a pain into mi stomach again like mi want to go bathroom. Mi gallop weh inna di bush go relieve mi self," said Jerky.

When the deed was done, the pain was no more and the swelling in his stomach and his foot immediately disappeared. "Same time mi see one big sinting fly outa mi ears. All now I don't know what it is. But from dat di sound into mi ears just gone," he said.

Now ordinarily, such a story would have been regarded by me as mere horseradish, but the look in Jerky's eyes made it hard not to believe him. The most troubling part of the scenario is the fact that Jerky said when he went back to visit the church to say thanks to Mr Johnson and his fellow church-goers for their help, he found nothing but empty land.

"Not a ting! Just one big piece ah land. I never see nothing like dis inna mi life. From dat day I never was di same. Every day mi think about it," he said. "I never see nothing like dis inna my life."

Where should Robert go next? Let him know at robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com.

Feedback

The following are feedback to last week's Roving with Lalah.

Dear Robert,

Thanks for your stories. They make my Tuesday mornings.

- Anna

Dear Robert,

It nuh matta which pawt yuh guh nex, cause anywey yuh guh, a jus pure yaad vibes an yuh mek wi memba seh nuh matta weh we guh ... nuh wey nuh betta dan yaad!

- Jaymaycan

Dear Robert,

You are my weekly dose of Jamaica over here in London. Keep it up!

- P.B.